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I’m Going To Lose This Weight: Ranking Halo Top

I’m Going To Lose This Weight: All Hail Halo Top

One of the things I accepted that I would have to give up when I embarked on this weight loss journey was ice cream. Frankly, I spent my high school years scooping it, so I’ve been pretty over the frozen treat, except for the rare occasions when I would just really crave it. But, as with most things – you want what you can’t have, so when ice cream was no longer an available dessert option, I obviously craved it all the time.

I tried fro-yo and other “healthy” ice cream desserts like SkinnyCow and Weight Watchers, but then I happened upon Halo Top, and the game was changed. In case you live under a rock, or have missed me and fellow PGPer Kyle Bandujo tweeting about it endlessly, Halo Top “is low-calorie, high-protein, and low-sugar” ice cream, meaning that I can eat it on my high-protein, low-carb diet without a ton of guilt. It’s pricey – the cheapest I’ve seen is 3.99 a pint – but I personally get about four servings per carton, which makes the cost not totally unreasonable. The only problem is when you buy a flavor that’s not as good as the others; you feel obligated to finish it since you paid for it, but you’d rather be eating one of the better ones. So to help you guys avoid that trap, here is my totally biased ranking of all of the Halo Top flavors, along with their per pint calorie and protein counts.

Disclosure: Halo Top just dropped these flavors and since my stupid supermarket doesn’t have them yet, they aren’t included here:
Cinnamon Roll (360 calories, 20 grams protein)
Pancakes and Waffles (280 calories, 20 grams protein)
Chocolate Covered Banana (280 calories, 20 grams protein)
Mochi Green Tea (320 calories, 20 grams protein)
Rainbow Swirl (240 calories, 20 grams protein)
Candy Bar (360 calories, 24 grams protein)
Caramel Macchiato (280 calories, 20 grams protein)

16. (Tie) Black Cherry (280 calories, 20 grams protein) & Pistachio (240 calories, 20 grams protein)

Honestly, I don’t care for either of these flavors in regular ice cream, so I was probably pretty biased against them to begin with.

15. Red Velvet (360 calories, 20 grams protein)

Meh. That’s all I can really say. Not delicious enough for the higher calorie count in my opinion.

14. S’Mores (320 calories, 20 grams protein)

Fun fact: I hate marshmallows. So therefore I hate s’mores. So therefore this flavor comes in near the bottom because it’s my list.

13. Lemon Cake (240 calories, 20 grams protein)

Honestly, I’d rather just eat lemon sherbet.

12. Chocolate Mocha Chip (320 calories, 24 grams protein)

Part of the low ranking here is that I’m just not a mocha chip aficionado. There’s nothing inherently wrong here, I just don’t love it.

11. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (360 calories, 20 grams protein)

But there is something wrong here. I don’t know how to explain it, but something is just off. Maybe it’s the cookie dough, maybe it’s the ice cream, but whatever it is, I just don’t like it.

10. Vanilla Bean (240 calories, 20 grams protein)

Sometimes you just want plain vanilla. And all of the time, this will do just fine.

9. Chocolate (280 calories, 20 grams protein)

It’s chocolate. It’s good. What else really needs to be said?

8. Chocolate Almond Crunch (320 calories, 20 grams protein)

I personally like the flavor, but it’s place on the list took a hit when my Halo Top comrade Kyle shared that he’s had “two bad experiences with how it’s refrozen and it’s been a bad consistency.” Yeah, we legit text about these things.

7. Cookies and Cream (320 calories, 20 grams protein)

The base is very vanilla-y, which may not be for everyone, but I really like it. Plus there are enough cookies crumbled in that I don’t feel like I’m being deprived on the cookie aspect of cookies and cream.

6. Birthday Cake (280 calories, 20 grams protein)

Cake Batter ice cream was my go-to when I didn’t want a chocolatey or fruity flavor, so I was pretty psyched when I saw that Halo Top made this. Is it as good as actually eating cake batter out of a bowl or having a giant piece of yellow cake with an overload of frosting? No. But it’s pretty damn good, and there’s sprinkles in it. Everything is better with sprinkles.

5. Sea Salt Caramel (320 calories, 20 grams protein)

I like caramel, but I don’t love it. And yet, I do love this flavor. It’s sweeter and more buttery then some of the other flavors, which is probably why it’s in my top five. Damn it, I miss butter and sugar.

4. Mint Chip (240 calories, 20 grams protein)

This was the first Halo Top flavor I tried and I blame it for what has become a full-blown addiction. You know how sometimes Mint Chip ice cream can be too minty? That’s not the case here; it’s just enough that I know it’s there, but not enough to make me feel like I’m eating frozen mouthwash.

3. Strawberry (280 calories, 20 grams protein)

Second to peanut butter (see below), strawberry ice cream is probably my favorite. Throw some fresh cut strawberries and a dollop of whipped cream on top and I’m a pretty happy camper. Given that there’s pretty much no difference between the Halo Top version and its high calorie/high fat/low protein twin, this one makes me pretty happy as well.

2. Peanut Butter Cup (320 calories, 20 grams protein)

You slap “peanut butter flavored” on just about anything and I’m pretty likely to eat it. Luckily for me, this flavor lives up to its name. It’s almost good enough to make me not want to put crushed Reese’s on top of it. Almost.

1. Oatmeal Cookie (280 calories, 20 grams protein)

I don’t know what voodoo magic those people at Halo Top are employing to make this taste so good, but this is literally better than actual ice cream. It tastes like the most delicious oatmeal cookie my grandmother ever made, and trust me, the woman was a baking master (god rest her soul).

Starting weight to Lose: 30 pounds
Week 1 Results: – 1.1 pounds
Week 2 Results: – 2.1 pounds
Week 3 Results: +0.4 pounds
Week 4 Results: – 0.2 pounds
Week 5 Results: – 0.2 pounds
Week 6 Results: – 0.1 pounds
Week 7 Results: -0.9 pounds
Week 8 Results: 0.0 pounds
Week 9 Results: -0.5 pounds
Week 10 Results: -0.6 pounds
Week 11 Results: 0.0 pounds
Week 12 Results: – 0.2 pounds
Week 13 Results: -0.1 pounds
Week 14 Results: No weigh in
Week 15 Results: – 2.3 pounds
Week 16 Results: +0.6 pounds
Week 17 Results: – 0.2 pounds
Week 18 Results: -0.1 pounds
Week 19 Results: 0.0 pounds
Week 20 Results: – 2.4 pounds
Week 21 Results: No weigh in
Week 21 Results: + 0.1 pounds
Week 22 Results: -0.2 pounds

Remaining weight to lose: 19.9 pounds

If you want to follow along with me, friend me on MyFitnessPal or FitBit!

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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