I’m A Salad Cuck


I got cucked today. Salad cucked. Went to lunch at the new spot in West Lake Hills. It’s called Modern Market. Apparently, it’s a chain that started in Colorado. 29 Locations. Not really important.

Our ad guy Brad and I met my old man for lunch. We moved some stuff for him last week. Again, not important.

We walk in and order at the counter. I ordered the Thai Coconut salad – mixed greens, roasted chicken, sweet potato, toasted coconut, cucumber, pickled onion, cilantro, toasted peanut, peanut mango dressing. Sounds pretty damn good.

Brad and my Pops order after me. You get a vibrating, light-up pager thing. I take the three water cups, and we sit at a non-descript table. I like my water with no ice.

Eventually, the square pager thing starts shaking like crazy. Brad and Steve soon return with our meals.

Brad hands a salad over to me. I pour the dressing on, mix ‘er up and get to eating. I was hungry today. After a couple of bites, I realize the salad I am eating is not the one I ordered. This one had strawberries and corn and stuff.

At this moment, I look over and see Brad shove three back-to-back-to-back bites of lettuce and chicken into his mouth. “This salad is fuckin’ delicious,” he says.

It’s too late. I’ve been cucked. “This dressing has peanuts, it’s really good.”

I didn’t know what to do. Cucked in front of my own father. Brad didn’t even realize he ate my salad until we returned to the office and he started talking about how much he loved the salad.

He didn’t apologize for cucking me. When I told Dave and Will about my salad cucking, Brad called me “a bitch.”

Image via Shutterstock

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