I’m usually a pretty committed guy. I don’t back down from a challenge and I always stay pretty determined to finish whatever I start. I am also a pretty big guy. I’m just over 6’7” and currently sitting around 250. Back in the sports ball days, I was eating 4,000-5,000 calories a day but also spending about 5-6 hours a day pushing my body to its physical limits. However, my body just ain’t the same these days, and I can’t run as fast, lift as much, or jump as high as I used to. I’m washed up.
It was at this moment, I realize I ****ed up. pic.twitter.com/5XZsZA8I4e
— Delph (@delph_13) May 30, 2016
As I watched my weight push towards 270 during the winter months, I decided that I probably shouldn’t keep eating everything in sight like I always had my entire life. This may make you hate me, but for as long as I can remember, I actually had a very difficult time gaining weight. I’ve always eaten whatever I wanted, and as much as I wanted. The bliss of my youth had officially departed– I needed to go on a diet.
I did a little research (read: I texted my dad) and decided to do the diet that has always worked for him. My dad is a former college football superstar and overall large human, and sometimes when his pants get tight he just cuts all carbs. I’m talking no bread, no sugar, no sweets, no carbs. This may seem pretty easy, but let me tell you that it is literally hell. I love bread, and giving up bread was harder than possibly anything I have ever done. Along with cutting the carbs, the old man told me to ramp up the protein. Breakfast was a pound of bacon and lunch eggs. Lunch was pepperoni and a lot of cheese. Dinner was sometimes more bacon and eggs and sometimes just a shit ton of chicken. Ya boi was eatin’.
It was easy for about a week or two, but then I just didn’t poop. Like, at all. Cutting carbs is great, but then you realize in doing so, you also cut all your fiber. How the hell was I going to lose weight if I couldn’t even shit? So I added broccoli and some other fiber to the diet. Kinda helped, kinda didn’t. On top of this, this diet required a lot of cooking. The only thing I could really get on the run was Chick-Fil-A nuggets, and even those get old after a while. Since I spent my whole winter coaching basketball, I needed some convenient meals.
Slowly I caved into eating some carbs before 2:00 in the afternoon, then before 6:00 in the evening, then just whenever, trying to do so in small amounts. All the cheese I was eating was backing me up to dangerous levels. I missed bread and potatoes so much. Finally, after I had lost about 20 pounds, I quit. I gave up. I was done. Peace out, Girl Scout. L8r alligator. I’m out.
Dear diet, it’s not you. It’s not you at all. It’s 100% me. It’s all me. You’re just not any fun. There are so many things out there that make me so much happier than you. I want to be free. I want to make late-night Taco Bell runs. I want to eat half a box of Oreos right before bed. I want to stuff my face with Texas Roadhouse rolls. I want to eat whatever the hell I want.
I’m back where I feel comfortable, my girlfriend won’t break up with me (hopefully) unless I really get fat, and I’m happy. Sorry not sorry, but I quit..