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I recently moved across the country and started a new job, and one of my first orders of business was to set up payroll with the new company. This meant that I’d need a voided check from my financial institution, and I decided to start fresh with new accounts at a large Midwestern bank. I headed to my nearest branch after work one day and was seated in the waiting room browsing Reddit on my phone when she walked in. This girl was attractive, but not entirely in the conventional sense. She was pretty, but at the same time gave off the vibe of being approachable and fun.
Girl and I were alone in the waiting area, and over the next few minutes, we exchanged a quick glance or two at each other. At one point, the Snapchat tone sounded on her phone, and she opened up the snap and let out a hushed laugh. Her laugh was really cute, and it made me even more interested than I had been already. It was nearly silent in the bank save for the Foreigner track that was quietly playing on the PA system, and I thought about possibly complimenting her coat or something like that. It was a really nice coat.
Just as I was going over my options, we were both called over to do the business we’d come to the bank to do. We were seated across from our bankers, and we just so happened to be in cubicles right next to each other. Some time went by, and somewhere around the time my banker was discussing the benefits of their Cash Plus Signature Card, Girl looked at me and smiled through the glass part of the wall dividing the cubicles. Oh, it’s on now.
We exchanged a few more quick looks at each other while our respective bankers droned on about their gold checking packages, but then it came time for me to write my signature for my new accounts. The electronic signature pad was malfunctioning, however, and my banker had to go to the back room and find a new one. This left me alone for about two minutes, and I was quietly humming along to Bruce Springsteen when the music suddenly cut off. That left the bank almost completely silent, and I began to hear the chatter of the girl next to me and her banker.
The girl’s voice was calm and a bit higher-pitched than average, and it made me absolutely melt. Almost immediately, though, I realized that I should not be listening to what she’s saying. After all, this was a private meeting with her banker. She could be divulging personal information, and I don’t need to hear it. I want this girl’s phone number, not her social security number. It would’ve been way easier not to hear her if there was music playing, but a new song inexplicably still hadn’t started. I tried to drown her out by thinking about work, the NFL playoffs, or literally anything else, but it totally backfired and I noticed her voice even more than I already had. This was when the problems started.
Girl was discussing a credit card with her banker. He went over each of the bank’s options, and she asked several questions about each one. That’s a pretty normal thing to do, but these were dumb questions. She didn’t understand the concept of APR, and later on it became apparent that she hadn’t the slightest clue how credit works. Qualified purchases? Automatic Bill Pay? Cash advances? It was all lost on her. The conversation then shifted to her checking account, and she didn’t know what a fucking overdraft fee was. Meanwhile, I was discovering something about myself that I hadn’t really thought of before: Lack of financial literacy is apparently an extreme turnoff for me.
We both finished up our consultations at the same time, which would have been absolutely perfect if this meet cute hadn’t shattered before my eyes. We walked toward the exit, I held the door for her, and I was making a beeline for my car when a really cute voice called out to me.
“Hey!” she said. “I’m new here, do you know which road I should take to get to (Suburb)?”
“Take the 494,” I replied. I then got into my car and left.
Image via Max Pixel