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Alright folks. Even though there’s still over a month left in Arie’s season of The Bachelor, I think we can all agree that we’re ready to move past the Kissing Bandit and on to bigger and better things. Thankfully we have the Bachelor Winter Games starting this week to distract us, but it’s time to start wildly speculating at which lucky lady is going to have 30
pieces of man meat suitors this spring. Let’s break it down.
10. Corinne Olympios
Just kidding. There’s no way ABC would give Corinne her own season after this summer’s fiasco on Bachelor in Paradise. It’s a shame because having her at the helm would actually deliver on Chris Harrison’s perennial promise of “the most dramatic season ever.”
9. Krystal Nielsen
Krystal has been the most influential contestant so far this season on The Bachelor, making waves by boycotting cocktail parties, terrorizing the other contestants, and having possibly the most annoying voice to ever emanate from a human being. That being said, she is the source of constant entertainment in an otherwise lackluster season, so her presence will be missed. She’s a strong contender for Bachelor in Paradise, but I think Krystal would truly thrive in an environment with 30 men fawning over her. If her voice didn’t want to make everyone want to die, she’d be higher on the list.
8. Bekah Martinez
While Krystal cemented her role as this season’s villain, Bekah is quickly becoming America’s sweetheart. If she wasn’t 22 years old, I think that Arie would give her his final rose in a heartbeat, but I have a feeling their 14 year age difference is eventually going to be the undoing of their relationship. She’s spunky, quirky, and blunt, which are all great characteristics for a leading lady; however, I think ABC is going to pull an Arie and cut her from consideration because she’s only 22.
7. Danielle Lombard
D. Lo was a contestant on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor where she was best known for being ridiculously hot. Nick cut her unfortunately early in the season, but she got a second chance at love on the most recent season of Bachelor in Paradise. Her presence on that season ended up being the downfall of Dean Unglert and Kristina Schulman’s romance after Dean realized his heart had feelings for Kristina, but his penis had stronger ones for D. Lo. She got some criticism for being trashy about the situation, but goddamn if her dumpster fire doesn’t burn the hottest.
6. Chelsea Roy
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Chelsea started off Arie’s season on a strong, securing the First Impression Rose, but unfortunately, her relationship with Arie stalled out there. Her aggressive nature at cocktail parties pegged her to be an early villain, but fortunately for Chelsea, most of America warmed up to her once their hatred was unified against Krystal. The single mom storyline has been played out on The Bachelorette before, so I foresee Chelsea taking the Amanda Stanton route of annual paid vacations on Paradise to avoid her child.
5. Andi Dorfman
We first met Andi on Juan Pablo’s season of the The Bachelor. She quit that season on her own accord after realizing JP was a massive twat, but not before banging it out with him in the Fantasy Suite. She was chosen as the next Bachelorette and was forced to make the Sophie’s choice of deciding whether to give her final rose to Nick Viall during his first Bachelor franchise appearance, or Josh Murray, who is best known for being Aaron Murray’s older, less successful brother. She ended up choosing Josh and their engagement lasted about as long as his career as a professional athlete. Josh’s subsequent engagement to Amanda Stanton after their run on Bachelor in Paradise was even shorter and probably ruined any shot he had at his own run on The Bachelor.
Sidenote: Is it too early to predict a Krystal/Josh Murray engagement? I’m calling it now.
Andi is the only Bachelorette in the last five seasons who isn’t still with her winner and has since written two New York Times bestselling books after abandoning her career as a lawyer, so could it be time for a comeback? Brad Womack got two runs as The Bachelor, so the precedent is there. Andi wasn’t the most entertaining Bachelorette, but putting her back in the leading role also gives ABC the opportunity to convince
fame whore former two-time Bachelorette runner-up, BIP standout, and Bachelor Nick Viall to return for a fifth time and win back the love of the woman who broke his heart and arguably ruined his life. If ABC managed to pull that off, it truly would be the most dramatic season ever.
4. Kristina Schulman
Kristina is a Russian orphan turned dental hygienist who first graced our screens during Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor and became a staple of the following summer’s cast on Bachelor in Paradise. After Dean Unglert broke her heart by following the urges of his wiener as it directed him in D. Lo’s general direction, there were definitely more than a few Bachelorette whispers circling around the Internet. She’s sweet and undeniably beautiful, but I don’t know if I have enough tears to survive a season of her talking about avoiding a life of prostitution and eating lipstick to survive. That shit is real, but that shit is also too sad to handle for ten consecutive Mondays from 8:00-10:00 EST.
3. Seinne Fleming
While Seinne is still technically in the running for Arie’s final rose, I doubt she’ll be sporting a Neil Lane engagement ring at the end of this adventure. Seinne is Ivy League educated, articulate, and a total smokestack – the seemingly obvious choice for the next Bachelorette. The shitty reality of the situation is that I doubt ABC would have African-American leads on consecutive seasons, but hey, it’s 2018. Your move, ABC.
2. Lesley Murphy
Hear me out on this one, folks. Lesley made her Bachelor debut in 2013 on Sean Lowe’s season, where she finished in fifth place. She was a fan favorite on that season and was actually a bridesmaid in Sean and Catherine Giudici’s ABC financed wedding. With Arie coming out of the woodwork to head up this season, it’s possible that the producers are going to want to continue shaking up trend of pulling leads from preceding seasons.
Since her time on Sean’s season, Lesley fell out of the Bachelor spotlight, instead running a travel blog that sent her to all corners of Earth to do yoga on beaches and look hot. However, she recently made mainstream headlines again after she decided to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy after testing positive for BRCA-2, a gene that causes increased risk of breast cancer, shortly after her own mother’s breast cancer diagnosis. Afterwards, she got a rockin’ new set of ta-ta’s that she showed off on Insta, mastectomy scars and all. She’s also rejoining Bachelor Nation as a contestant on Winter Gamers after a five year hiatus from any involvement with the franchise. This crescendo of publicity and return to television has me wondering – is Winter Games going to be Lesley’s audition for Bachelorette? She’s a dark horse for sure, but I think she’s got a real shot.
1. Tia Booth
While Tia and Arie have a great chemistry, I just don’t see him getting down on one knee for the Queen of Wiener, Arkansas, when this season ends. That being said, Tia is blunt, hilarious, and beautiful. She’s entertaining enough to hold down a season of her own and attractive enough to do so in a way no one will mind watching. Her best friend Raven, Nick Viall’s runner-up, is still dating fellow BIP alum Adam Gottschalk, so Tia has the market cornered on eligible Southern belles. If the producers pull the next Bachelorette from the current crop of contestants, my money is on Tia.
That’s it, folks. Go ahead and tear up that comment section and tell me why you think I’m a genius or a moron and make sure to tune in for The Bachelor and The Bachelor: Winter Games this week! See you then. .
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