How To Be The Worst Boyfriend

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A relationship is like flower. Odds are, you can’t keep one alive for very long. Here are the 35 ways guaranteed to earn any guy the title of Worst Boyfriend Ever.

1. Only tell her she looks good after the gym or when she’s sick.
2. Crop half of her out of your profile picture.
3. Go to the bathroom when the check comes.
4. Remind her that salad has fewer calories.
5. Ignore her texts on guys’ night.
6. Tell her you have awesome weekend plans. Don’t include her in your plans.
7. Tell her your mom still talks to your ex-girlfriend.
8. “That’s a regular Coke. You know they make Diet, right?”
9. Videotape her drunk while she’s devouring pizza. Post it on Facebook.
10. Cook a delicious meal for two after she eats cold, leftover Chinese.
11. Have her proofread your application for “The Bachelor.”
12. Keep a picture of your ex-girlfriend on your nightstand.
13. Tell her it’ll be snug, but she might be able to squeeze into your biggest sweatshirt.
14. Agree to help her assemble Ikea furniture. Be out of town that day.
15. Ask her, “Isn’t your hot friend’s birthday coming up?” the day before her birthday.
16. Let her DD every time.
17. Uncontrollably laugh when her mom shows you childhood photos.
18. Ask her to stop making weird faces for once in a Facebook photo, even though she never actually makes weird faces.
19. Change the channel without asking with five minutes left in “The Bachelor.”
20. Introduce her as your friend at the office Christmas party.
21. Let her know your ex is newly single.
22. Ask if she’ll ever get her lazy eye fixed, even though her eyes are normal.
23. Don’t follow her back on Twitter.
24. Ask her the one thing she’s always wanted to try in bed. Tell her it’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard.
25. Tell her you didn’t forget–you’re just waiting until the chocolate is on sale on February 15.
26. Delete your Facebook after she asks to go Facebook official.
27. Ask her what the heck she ate as she comes out of the bathroom at a dinner party.
28. Don’t invite her to your friend’s wedding because there will be cameras there.
29. Point out a girl in Maxim and tell her you want a wife who looks like that.
30. Ask her if she put deodorant on.
31. Don’t let her use your Netflix account, because you’re still using your ex’s.
32. Order Papa John’s on day three of her juice cleanse.
33. Open a bar tab for your boys on her credit card.
34. Tweet screenshots of her texts with the hashtag #crazy.
35. Never reciprocate.

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Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Andy Bernard