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If you came into some money, or had a halfway-decent job that gave you some disposable income, what would you do with it? If you answer anything other than “Turn my apartment into a motherfucking arcade,” I’m not quite sure what kind of depressing, arcade-less upbringing you had, but you’re certainly not my kind of person.
Chris Kooluris, a 37-year-old Senior Vice President at PR firm Weber Shandwick, sold all of his furniture to transform his apartment into a full-fledged arcade. Seriously, a full arcade that consists of not only games like “Punch Out,” “Street Fighter II” (the Champion Edition, no less), “Pac Man” and “Donkey Kong,” but Candy Dispensers, a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” futon and a high-score board, all for the low, low price of $26,000.
He was inspired to do this after he unsuccessfully tried to sell his Manhattan apartment in order to move into his fiancée’s apartment in Brooklyn. Naturally, he felt uncomfortable living with her and all of her stuff, and after reading the fantastic novel “Ready Player One”, he had an epiphany, as he explained to the New York Daily News:
“‘The book just blew me away,’ he said. ‘It awakened something in me and I started thinking that I can’t believe I’m not surrounded by all these things that I grew up loving.'”
So to that end, he turned his apartment into an Arcade. Then his fiancée left him.
Now he claims he can’t even enjoy his creation: “Now that my fiancée and I are no longer together, it’s hard to enjoy the room as much as I want to. I always end up thinking about her.”
Lady, if your fiancée has enough money at 37 to drop $26,000 on Arcade Machines, you’re really missing the big picture here. If he’s gonna drop thousands on toys, think about what he’s willing to drop on you, and probably already has. Good luck on Tinder.
Secondly: Speaking of which, dude, your fiancée sounds like a total asshole. She made you move into her apartment with all of her stuff and didn’t let you touch a thing? She couldn’t compromise? Not even let you set up a “Simpsons” arcade machine in the living room? You’re so much better off without her, it’s not even funny. Find one of those cute, quirky girls who loves video games, or, better yet, one of those cute, quirky girls who PRETENDS to love video games so she can get on TV and advance her acting career. Like Olivia Munn, for instance, the biggest fake geek on the planet.
Serious offer, Mr. Kooluris: I will get you laid if you let me hang out with you and play video games. Though I can’t imagine that a PR executive under 40 that has enough capital to own his own Manhattan apartment and turn it into an arcade has any trouble getting laid.
You snooze, you lose, almost-Mrs. Kooluris.
[via NY Daily News]