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Far be it from me to criticize anyone’s sexual tendencies, because Lord knows that we’re all into some sick shit we don’t want to admit, but, well, since it’s Drake, AKA “Aubrey Drake Graham,” the Softest Rapper in the Game, let’s take a minute to mercilessly mock “Canada’s Finest.”
According to an anonymous letter posted to Media Takeout, posted by someone claiming to be a stripper who banged Drake, the man’s got some interesting sexual proclivities. I mean, shame on her for sleeping with Drake, but we got some pretty great information out of it, so I guess she took one for the team, quite literally.
For example, Drizzy Drake loves getting his bizzy butthole licked. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but, again, it’s Drake. For those of you scared of #buttstuff, I’ve read that the B-hole is, by-and-large, tasteless, and if you’re into that sort of thing, it can feel really, really good, but I can imagine why most people are scared of it. Because poop comes from there. Smelly poop.
Here’s a run-down of everything that happened in a sexual romp we like to call “One Night In Drake-sylvania.”
“Him and his boys brought me and a few girls back after a night at [LA CLUB]. As soon as we walked in the door, it was like we entered the White House. Security was tight, he made all of us give up our cellphones and sign a contract. Then a security man took a photo of our drivers licenses. I ain’t never seen nothing like that.”
So much for THAT contract.
“He took off all his clothes, and mine and laid me down and started eating me. His d*ck is not really big, but it’s THICK.”
Drake’s got a chode!
Drake, not doing much for the Jewish religion in the package, are you? Come on, man, we expected more from you.
“I must have c*me like 3 times while he was doing it. On after the other, after the other. I have had my box eaten hundreds of times, but no one has EVER done it like Drake. He has a real talent. His tongue went from p*zzy to butt, back to p*zzy. I think I c*me out of both.”
Just hang on, we’re coming home, apparently.
But here’s where it gets weird. Well, weirder.
“He then laid on his back and was like “My Turn.” I was ready to suck the OXYGEN outta him and I did. After a few minutes he started pushing my head down, towards his b*lls. I sucked on them for a while and he pushed me down FURTHER to his butt hole. It was weird eating a man’s butt like that, but I’m a freak, and it was Drake LOL. He was laying there on the bed with his leg spread open and my face in his butt and his legs shaking.”
What kinda man doesn’t want to have the air in his lungs sucked out through his urethra? WHO I ASK YOU?!
“I’m embarrassed to say it, but Drake enjoyed getting his butt ate so much that he n*tted. All over my new weave.”
Aw man, Drake, party foul. All over her weave? You never nut in a girl’s weave, that’s bush-league shit. Though the lack of fucks given is staggering.
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want the world to know he likes his butt eaten.”
And I didn’t want to know either, but by God, you’ve done good. You dropped this golden nugget (and possibly stinkier nuggets) in our laps and have brought us the gift of, well, Drake liking analingus. We should build statues to this woman.
Ya done good, kid.
[via Elite Daily]