Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Yacht Parties, Wildcats and Mistresses

Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Yacht Parties, Wildcats and Mistresses

My first weekend home since January, and I must say it’s glorious. I watched basketball, cleaned my house and, in one of my greatest recent accomplishments, made pillows:

While I enjoyed my low-key weekend, some other people weren’t as lucky.

Ezekiel Elliott

Apparently, Elliott doesn’t plan to heed former Cowboys’ standout Marcus Spears’ advice to “stop being dumb” any time soon. Elliott continued his non-stop off-season partying (which included forcefully flashing a woman’s boob last week) with a yacht party in Miami. Until the party was broken up by the Coast Guard, that is.

Elliott was at a party on board the aptly named “No Rules II” on Saturday when a Coast Guard cruiser pulled up alongside the docked boat and officers boarded the yacht for a search. After about 20 minutes, the guards disembarked and the party raged on.

Maybe Zeke could stand to take a little bit of Spears’ advice? [Via TMZ]

This Kid

Obviously, I was pretty thrilled with the outcome of the Gonzaga/Northwestern game on Saturday. But there were two people that were not: Julia Louis-Dreyfus (whose son came off the Wildcats’ bench for the final free throw shot of the game) and this kid:

CBS’s cameras were pointed at 11-year-old John, Northwestern Athletic Director Jim Phillips’ son, following a flagrant foul by NU’s Barret Benson on Gonzaga’s Johnathan Williams, capturing his reaction and then returning to him as the time ticked toward the Wildcats’ elimination. His obvious devastation has now made him into a Twitter celebrity:

Well, John, your team may have lost but you gained fame. You win some, you lose some. [Via WJLA]

Frozen Pizza Lovers

With my diet, I (sadly) couldn’t tell you the last time I had a frozen pizza. But while I miss it, at least I don’t have to worry about getting listeria from it.

The US Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service announced a recall of 21,000 pounds of frozen pizzas due to possible listeria concerns. The pizzas, which were sold at Walmart stores under the brand “Marketside Extra Large Supreme Pizza” were found to have the listeria monocytogenes bacteria during random sampling.

The pizzas were shipped to Walmart distribution centers in California, Nevada, Utah and Washington and while no one has reported getting sick from them yet, the Food Safety and Inspection Service advise people to throw the pizzas away or return them to where they purchased them.

I know how difficult it is to throw pizza away, but it’s better than having fever, muscle aches, or diarrhea, right? [Via CNN]

Mohammed Anas

Ghanaian soccer player Anas actually had a hell of a weekend, scoring two goals during his team’s win over Ajax Cape Town, and being named “Man of the Match” for the effort. But it all went downhill in his post-game interview.

Anas thanked his fans, and then “my wife and my girlfriend.” Realizing what came out of his mouth, he tried to redeem himself, saying “I’m so sorry, my wife! I love you so much from my heart.”

Watch the awkwardness for yourself:

I’m imagining Anas’ weekend wasn’t so great when he got home. [Via Someecards]

Donald Trump Jr.

As usual, I am avoiding being political in this column, mainly because we all get enough of that shit on Facebook. But this story is just too entertaining to ignore. After a profile on him in the New York Times on Saturday featured a super-odd photo of him sitting on a tree stump in the woods, Trump Jr. must have had a pretty crappy weekend after the Internet took to trolling him hard:

Trump 2.0 looks about as comfortable in the woods as I would if I ever engaged in outdoor sports.
[Via NYMag]

Image via YouTube / NFL

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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