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Hey Dilly Dilly,
I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months, we hit it off right away and things heated up quick. We have a ton in common, are super comfortable with each other, both wanting something serious, etc…. basically a great start to a relationship. Only problem is he can’t finish in bed. We’ll be having an awesome, sweaty time and eventually we both get tired but he never finishes. He swears it’s not me or anything I’m doing but I have a hard time believing that. I can understand it happening once or twice but every. single. time? He always assures me and tells me how attracted to me he is but I’m at a loss here. Any idea what the deal is?
Catch ya on the flippity flop.
Rest easy. It’s not you. He either has some serious sexual anxiety problems or a medical condition. Or he’s always really drunk or on drugs, or both, and/or uses a condom.
You should believe him when he says he’s into you, but yeah there’s some other shit going on here and it could be a pretty easy fix once he figures out what’s causing it. I actually just did about five minutes of research for you, and basically he needs to make an appointment to talk to a doctor.
Congrats on the sex, though.
Never thought I’d be turning to an internet mailbag column for advice, but strange times make for strange bedfellows. Sorry in advance for the long read. I took a quick romantic weekend trip out of state with my gf this past weekend, and a nice time was had by all. Until last night when we flew back.
While scrolling through Instagram in the airport, I liked my best friend’s gf’s photo (she’s technically his wife actually, they got green card married so she could stay in the country, long story). My thought process (what little there was) was that this is my best friend’s gf/wife, therefore she’s my friend too by default, so I’ll like her pics in solidarity just as I do for my other close friends.
My gf got suuuuper mad that I did that, and on the car ride home from the airport actually threatened to break up with me. (She had previously gotten mad at me for liking another one of this girl’s photos like 6-8 months ago too (which I thought was ridiculous at the time also). And these aren’t like thirst trap bikini selfies. The first one was a pic of this girl’s food while out to dinner with my buddy, and this one was a fully-clothed pic walking by the beach – which I figured my buddy had taken of her.
My gf accused me of having a thing for my buddy’s gf/wife (which is insulting and 1000% untrue), and said it’s weird that I would like her photos, especially because she apparently doesn’t like ones that I or my gf post (though I don’t keep track of that kind of stuff myself…).
I think this whole thing is petty, unreasonable, and controlling (and this isn’t the first time I’ve thought that about something she got mad at me for. I’m at the point where I’m embarrassed to ask my friends for advice – hence this email). My gf argues that if I loved her I would go along with her prohibition on liking my friend’s gf’s pics, despite how I feel about it. Is this as crazy as I think it is? Am I wrong here and actually being an asshole? If the former, how much unreasonableness am I supposed to cater to in the name of love? I feel like I have to draw the line somewhere.
Either you’re withholding some crucial details here (like if you’ve cheated on her before, you used to have a thing for this girl, etc.) or your girlfriend has some red flag level insecurity issues.
Let’s assume you’re being upfront with all pertinent information and her jealousy/insecurity is unwarranted. If liking your best friend’s girlfriend’s IG posts upsets your girlfriend so much that she threatens breaking up with you, you’d be better off if she actually followed through on that threat. That is Ri. Dic. U. Lous. And they’re not even bikini pics?
All significant others of friends/family, friends of your significant other, and hot celebrity pics are fair game for likes. That’s day one social media stuff. She’s wrong and she needs to know that. Until you give her a reason not to trust you (and again, I hope you’re being upfront here), she should not be threatened by this.
Big fan of the mailbag. I’ve been struggling with this conundrum, and would appreciate your thoughts.
My parents’ friend’s daughter is getting married in Europe this summer, and all of us have been invited. My parents are planning to go, and have asked if I’d like to come. However, I have only spoken to the bride a few times and have never met her fiance, which would be a big investment for me in terms of PTO and money. Plus, I’ll be obligated to invite her family and fiance when I get married (5 people). On the other hand, I have always wanted to go to Europe, it provides me an excuse to do so, and my parents have offered to cover the hotels if I pay for everything else. What would you recommend I do?
Appreciate your thoughts!
A roundtrip ticket to Europe from the States runs between $700 and $1,000, right? If Mom and Dad are covering hotel, that puts you on the hook for meals, drinks, and any excursions you get into while there. You’re dropping about two grand to go on a European vacay with your parents to attend a wedding you care nothing about. Not the most exciting trip. I will also assume you’ll be limited as far as places you’re able to visit, as most of the itinerary will be planned for you.
If I’m you, I save the PTO and money to go to Europe with your girlfriend or with friends. Make the most of it.
“Plus, I’ll be obligated to invite her family and fiance when I get married (5 people).”
I hate to see this. No, you will NOT be obligated. On YOUR wedding day, you invite the people you want to be there with you on your big day. You don’t worry about anyone else because that shit doesn’t matter even a little bit.
I recently accepted the fact that I have to start working out and eating better in order to get the type of body I can be comfortable in. I’m not asking for workout schemes, or diet tips, because I know you’re not qualified to answer them. But, I did read that when you started getting into shape, you switched from beer, to a “healthier” alcohol alternative.
My questions is, what specific types of alternative alcohol drinks do you recommended when trying to avoid the brewskis? I’m not looking for anything too complicated, but I wouldn’t mind enjoying the drink too. Wine is a no go, but I am open to anything else.
Love the Mailbag, keep it up.
Why are you acting so messed up towards wine, man? Red wine is phenomenal and gives you a very different buzz. Learn to appreciate it. And respect it. And don’t come at me with that negativity, as I don’t need it in my life.
Vodka and tequila with any mixer that doesn’t have sugar is a great alternative to beer if you’re trying to watch your calorie intake. Vodka sodas and tequila sodas, both with lime, are two I’d recommend.
Another typical postgrad wedding question. One of my oldest and closest friends has decided to have his wedding in Aruba this fall. He has done very well for himself since graduation and this should be a pretty kickass and lavish event. He’s told me he doesn’t expect a lot of his invites to show up since it’s out of country and also on a WEDNESDAY (some meaningful date to the couple) but I know he expects me to be there. I am the typical post grad just trying to pay the bills with some extra money each month to feed the wino in me/save for an internship that will further my career opportunities.
Is it rude to ask him to assist me with the hotel or some sort of expenses while out there? Just the flight itself will be more than I pay in rent. I can’t stand the thought of missing the most important day of his life, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to go into debt for what boils down to a one day event. Thoughts?
No, you can’t ask him to help you cover the costs. This is a tough situation, I get it, because it’s basically someone planning a semi-mandatory vacation for you that you have to pay for. It sucks, but it’s part of being an adult and having friends.
You’re going to have to decide if it’s financially feasible to go. If I were him, and you told me you couldn’t make it because of financial reasons, I would totally understand where you’re coming from and would make sure you didn’t feel obligated to make it. I suggest you take that route. And you never know; he might offer to help you out.
I’m coming to Austin in a few weeks and was wondering what your suggestion would be for asking someone that I’ve never met to go get a beer because I think he’s hilarious and super attractive. Specifically, how do I ask you?
Shooting our shots in 2018.
Ayyyye. First of all, I’m flattered af. An unexpected gassing from the inbox is exactly what I needed today. You’re the best, [name redacted].
To answer your question, might I direct you to episode 137 of Touching Base.
This was recorded after a first date, which we discussed. It turns out that date, and all subsequent ones with the same person, went really well and I am now spoken for. For this reason, I must decline. Have fun in Austin, though. Keep an eye out for the squad if you’re out and about..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to [email protected] and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.