Checking emails on your phone in a half-awake state right when you wake up and having minor panic attacks over nothing. PGP.

Being overwhelmed with excitement when you find a new happy hour special. PGP.

I remember when I was in shape. PGP.

Pamela Anderson’s tits are more real than my enthusiasm today. PGP.

Watching the ripples in your coffee as the big gal moves around the office and wishing it was T-Rex from Jurassic Park coming to eat you. PGP.

Actually purchasing a stress ball that will go well with your desk. PGP.

Having to buy new clothes one paycheck at a time after forcing yourself to believe exercising was a good idea. PGP.

Being chastised for calling older coworkers “sir” and “ma’am” out of habit. PGP.

Having a crush on the HR chick but never doing anything about it because she knows your shitty salary grade. PGP.

Anxiety caused by unexplained aches and pains. PGP.

Making outrageous sports bets that you can’t really afford to pay when you’re drunk. PGP.

Having no idea what effect Obamacare will have on you. PGP.