I have a new cubicle neighbor! I hate my new cubicle neighbor. PGP.

Waiting for your boss to say, “You can go home early today” despite the fact that you know it’s never going to happen. PGP.

Not understanding a Goddamn thing in the 401k booklet Grandex (PGP’s parent company) just handed me. PGP.

Looking forward to cold weather so you can stop ironing and just wear sweaters over wrinkled shirts. PGP.

“Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah.” PGP.

I’ve started having nightmares about getting an ugly engagement ring. PGP.

“Can I use your printer?” PGP.

I’ve been actively picking my nose at my desk for twenty minutes. PGP.

At least I’ve accomplished more than (insert former classmate’s name here). PGP.

I started using a comb. PGP.

When coworkers refer to your company as a family. PGP.

Complimenting an older coworker on their tacky Christmas sweater only to find out they were wearing it seriously. PGP.