1: “How’s your day been?” 2: “Pretty standard.” PGP.

Getting halfway through a college story before realizing you have to change the ending to avoid a trip to HR. PGP.

I’m considerably less badass than my username suggests. PGP.

Cropping the drink out of your LinkedIn picture. PGP.

Knowing everything about the latest episode of The Bachelor, because the girls you sit between give each other a play-by-play. PGP.

My eye doctor told me I should probably try to limit my computer usage because of how bad my eyes are getting. Is that a good enough reason to quit my job? PGP.

Sidewalk salt wreaking havoc on your pants and shoes. PGP.

Stacking your to-do list with menial tasks and feeling like a badass when crossing off “eat lunch” from said list. PGP.

Going to work when you’re sick, because you’re saving your sick days for crippling hangovers. PGP.

Starting to realize I probably won’t ever have “fuck you money.” PGP.

The realization that “nine-to-five” is just an expression. PGP.

Having a “noticeable increase in production” before your performance review. PGP.