There is no way I can play up what I do for a living. PGP.

Hell has three-walls and is next to a loud talker. PGP.

My *click* coworker won’t *click* stop clipping his *click* fingernails. PGP.

Watching Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay sober for the first time. PGP.

The security question “In what city is your vacation home?” having zero relevance. PGP.

Continuously finding ways to big time hourly-paid coworkers to make you feel like you have some sort of authority in the office. PGP.

The “oh shit” moment when you realize you missed a meeting on your calendar. PGP.

The high point of my day is the 30 minutes in the morning before anyone asks me to do anything. PGP.

Seeing new movies on Netflix is like hiring a new female coworker: you’re hoping for something good, but it’s usually a let down. PGP.

I really bring zero to the table. PGP.

My “lunch workout” gym bag has never left my cube. PGP.

Eating healthy all week only to blow it on 3am Saturday night pizza. PGP.