Hand on mouse. Hand on keyboard. Back straight. Spreadsheet open. Eyes shut. PGP.

Selfies are just ID badge photos where you pretend to look happy.

All I have learned from Tinder is that a lot of ugly girls live by me

Coworkers bragging about doing nothing last night.

Being able to gauge how long you’ve been in the bathroom by how much sensation you have left in your legs. #PGP

Fitting into the “Just here for a paycheck” category at work. #PGP PGP.

Using the handicap stall to cry in after your boss yells at you because it has an abundance of toilet paper PGP.

When you’re not sure if your boss is hanging around because he knows you have nothing to do, or if he’s bored because he also has nothing to do. PGP.

Constantly being on the verge of a meltdown. PGP.

New office policies clearly being directed toward you. PGP.

When your boss walks by and you suddenly get a confused and frustrated look on your face as if you’re working on a difficult task. PGP.

I like my Netflix like I like my drinking: all binge, all the time. PGP.