Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

Just trying to make it to lunch. PGP.

My “Rainy Day Fund” is an uncashed scratch-off lottery ticket. PGP.

I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

Talking about corporate the way I used to talk about Nationals in college. PGP.

Cashier asked me if I was buying 10 cans of soup for a food drive. I wasn’t. PGP.

Coworker’s kid’s birthday parties. PGP.

Waking up to snow and hoping for the elusive “closed” email from work, only to be disappointed. Again. PGP.

My boss demanded that I have a project on his desk by 7:30 this morning, so I got here hours early to finish it. He just emailed us saying he’s taking the day off. PGP.

Decided not to shower this morning just so I could sleep in for an extra 10 minutes. PGP.

Ate lunch alone today. Happy birthday to me. PGP.

Negative net worth. PGP.

Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

CEO just bought a private jet, which explains why I didn’t get a raise. PGP.

Performance review anxiety season. PGP.

I feel like my coworkers know when I take a dump. PGP.

Calling in sick to work results in me being hyper paranoid that everyone knows I lied. Can’t decide if its really worth it. PGP.

Is queso a food group? PGP.

Mandatory webinar at 6 p.m. PGP.

Being the guy who brought the dish no one eats at a work potluck. PGP.