My roommates (parents) threw out my cigarettes. PGP.

Taking a lint roller to professional sporting events. PGP.

My work playlist should be titled “A compilation of songs that help me not want to kill myself, or anyone else.” PGP.

“Please don’t talk to me. Please don’t talk to me. Please don’t talk to me.” PGP.

Took an Addy for the first time since college. Haven’t gotten any work done, but have the most organized cubicle in my office and am now friends with every new hire. PGP.

The weather is pretty average so there’s not much to talk about with most of the office. PGP.

Replying, “Oh nothing much,” when unaware coworkers ask what’s new when it’s your last day with the company. PGP.

My boss started adding a question mark to his usual “See you Monday” farewell before the weekend. PGP.

Now my eyes actually are red because of allergies. PGP.

Finally wakes up early enough to make a delcious lunch. Office has food catered. PGP.

Really thought I’d be making more money at this age. PGP.

The irony of being a divorce attorney on Tinder. PGP.