Pants comin’ off, on a Tuesday. Box of wine and a Redbox Movie. PGP.

I’m a little too hyped up about the new headlights I bought for my car. PGP.

Gave my two week notice today. Best day at work in months. PGP.

Bought a new mattress and a new office chair. If that’s how I’m going to spend 90% of my time, I might as well be comfortable. PGP.

Giancarlo Stanton now makes 893 times my current salary. PGP.

“We’ll just have our weekly meeting during lunch this week.” PGP.

Our office manager started buying cheaper pens. I’m unreasonably upset by this. PGP.

When buying $20 worth of crap from my little cousin’s school fundraiser severely affects my plans for this weekend. PGP.

Feeling like a has-been in your trivia league. PGP.

Setting your Tinder age range from 30 to 40 to boost your self-esteem. PGP.

Too poor for a girlfriend or a pet. Not busy at all. PGP.

Heard a couple at the grocery arguing over what kind of bread to get. I can’t wait to get married. PGP.

Too busy for a boyfriend. Too poor for a pet. PGP.

Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

Just trying to make it to lunch. PGP.

My “Rainy Day Fund” is an uncashed scratch-off lottery ticket. PGP.

I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

Talking about corporate the way I used to talk about Nationals in college. PGP.

Cashier asked me if I was buying 10 cans of soup for a food drive. I wasn’t. PGP.

Coworker’s kid’s birthday parties. PGP.