In my experience, there are three types of girls when it comes to sports. First are the girls who simply DGAF. They don’t know a slam dunk from a grand slam and they are content to keep it that way. If they participate in any kind of sports betting, they are likely making their picks based on player cuteness or team colors. They don’t care about sports and they aren’t going to pretend to in an effort to get a guy, which is something I can respect.
On the other end of the spectrum are the real fans. This is where I personally fall. I grew up with a dad and brothers, so disliking sports wasn’t an option. When it came time to pick a major in college, I went with sport management, because what sounds better than studying something you already love? While I can intelligently talk about most sports, my main passion is football (much to my hockey-playing father’s dismay). I once turned down a date because it was NFL draft night. My Sundays from September to January are spent the same way – up early to cook a bunch of food, and then firmly planted on the couch from 1 p.m. on. Any guy that will have a serious drunken conversation with me about sports is a guy I would probably sleep with. Between my love of sports and my bra size, I’m really not sure how I’m not wifed up yet, but I digress.
Lastly, we have our lady friends that fall in the middle. They are mildly interested fans that will jump on the sports bandwagon if A.) a local team is doing well and in contention for the championship or B.) fandom will impress a guy they like. Here in Boston, we call these girls “pink hats,” after the Red Sox had the brilliant idea to make some hats in pink and white, instead of their trademark red, white, and blue (‘Merica!) in an effort to beef up sales to the female fan base. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being a pink hat, unless she is trying to pass herself off as a real fan, which means she can be mildly dishonest. Next thing you know, she’ll be lying about birth control and you’ll have one on the way.
Oftentimes when you first meet a girl, it can be difficult to tell exactly which category she falls into. If sports are an important part of your life, you probably want a girl who is going to join you in watching, as opposed to bitching about how you spend Sundays on the couch instead of taking her to brunch. Or maybe you want a girl who couldn’t possibly care less, so you can watch your games with your buddies. In an effort to make sure you are finding the right kind of sports-loving girl for you, here are a few questions you can ask to figure out exactly where she stands.
Question: Do you think Barry Bonds should be admitted in the Baseball Hall of Fame?
Real Fan: I don’t know, I’m torn. I mean, he obviously was one of the greatest hitters of all time, but that PED issue is always going to be out there. It’s about the integrity of the game…
Pink Hat: Oh, that guy that hit all of those home runs? Definitely!
DGAF: Who the hell is Barry Bonds?
Question: What are your plans for tomorrow? (asked on a fall Saturday night)
Real Fan: It’s Sunday, what the hell do you think I’m doing? I’m watching the games. Probably in my pajamas. Without showering. And if anyone talks to me, I’ll cut them.
Pink Hat: Oh, I’m totally watching the (insert name of football team that is on your hat) game. What time is that on, again?
DGAF: It’s Sunday, so obviously I’m going to church. And by church, I mean an unlimited mimosa brunch followed by shopping.
Question: Oh, your favorite team is the (insert team name here)? Who’s your favorite player?
Real Fan: Random player who is actually talented (ex. Jose Bautista, Eddie Lacy, Daniel Sedin)
Pink Hat: Star player whose name she can’t help but know (ex. Tom Brady, Lebron James, Alex Rodriguez)
DGAF: I don’t have a favorite player. They are only my favorite team because their team colors make me look thin.
Question: How do you think Tiger will do at The Players’ Championship?
Real Fan: Well, he started the season pretty shitty, but he looked back on his game somewhat at The Masters, so he could have a chance.
Pink Hat: OMG, he’s such a good golfer. I’m sure he’ll totally win.
DGAF: Ugh, that cheating bastard? Who cares. I hope his dick falls off.
So which type of girl is “best”? I may be biased, but personally I think having a girlfriend who is a real fan is a great scenario for most dudes. She’ll understand why you’re depressed for a week when your team loses, she won’t think it’s rude when you whip out your phone at dinner to check the score, she won’t sit at the bar with a pout on her face while you and your bros watch the game, and your friends will likely be impressed when she can hold her own in a sports convo. All that and boobs too? What more do you want?.