I have way more money in my 401k than my bank account. They swore I wouldn’t even miss it. PGP.

My boss uses “swag” interchangeably with “estimate.” PGP.

“One-upping” is now about who had the most shit to deal with at work that week. PGP.

1: “You watch the game last night?” 2: “Which one?” PGP.

Dying a little more inside each time you make eye contact with a hopeful, eager interviewee. PGP.

Every time my boss says, “Keep me in the loop,” I have visions of slipping a noose around his neck and hanging him in the supply closet. PGP.

My boss just asked if I’ve heard the song “What does the fox say?” PGP.

I don’t know if I’m terrible at budgeting or if I’m just not making enough money. PGP.

It’s unbelievable how down to a science I have microwaving a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich. PGP.

I got a significantly different haircut today. Midday. No one noticed. PGP.

I’m just here for the paycheck. PGP.

Executives making sure to CC the entire company before sending emails patting themselves on the back. PGP.