If Monday had a face, I would punch it repeatedly. PGP.

90% of the emails I send start with “Sorry for the delay.” PGP.

Leaving your work laptop on your dining room table, but hiding your personal one, that way if somebody breaks in you have a decoy laptop. PGP.

Pooping in peace should be a basic human right. PGP.

I now consider 3 Tinder matches in a row a “hot streak.” PGP.

That blissful couple of hours on payday when you have 4 digits in your checking account, before all the bills and rent come out. PGP.

Relating more to Ferris Bueller’s dad than Ferris. PGP.

Bought a desk. Couldn’t afford the chair. PGP.

Just got a raise. After taxes I am now bringing home an extra $17 every two weeks. PGP.

Not knowing where you stand. With anyone. PGP.

When your annual raise doesn’t even keep up with the cost of inflation. PGP.

Pretty sure the homeless man selling newspapers outside my building works harder than I do on a daily basis. PGP.