Had a nice exchange with my mailman this morning. PGP.

Asking for a Jos. A. Bank gift card for your birthday. PGP.

Sucking in the double chin and the gut at the same time. PGP.

Pretending you didn’t see you were tagged in the ice bucket challenge because you’re to poor to donate. PGP.

When experimenting with drugs refers to trying Cialis or Viagra. PGP.

Getting a power trip from having your own intern. PGP.

I’m starting to think before I act. PGP.

The hardest I worked today was charting my coworkers BMs to figure out the ideal time to use the handicap stall for number two. PGP.

Haven’t gotten a Tinder match in about a week. I’m telling myself it’s an issue with their servers. PGP.

Acting like the water is really cold when I dump it on my head because I’m too broke to buy a bag of ice. PGP.

Been planning on hitting up McD’s for the new jalapeño McDouble for weeks now. Today’s the day. PGP.

Finally feeling like a man for drinking not because you want to, but because you have to. PGP.