Shamelessly “nice work”ing all my comments. PGP.

Skipping happy hour to take your dog to the park. PGP.

My recent calls consist of a mayor, drug dealer, our HR rep, a state senator, and three Tinder girls. PGPM.

The automatic toilet flushing mid-shit. PGP.

I quit three days ago, mentally. PGP.

Gameday weddings. PGP.

Last night, I had a sex dream. Didn’t even wake up with a boner. PGP.

Sometimes when I work with my headphones in, I’ll hear a coworker call my name, but choose to ignore it in hopes they will leave me alone. PGP.

My coworker managed to tell me a five minute story about how her son missed the bus this morning. PGP.

If I see the hashtag #LoveMyJob one more time I am going to flip out. PGP.

Not going to grad school because I just spent 17 fucking years in school. PGP.

All the blame and none of the credit. PGP.