I had a long argument with my girlfriend over a spam email from eHarmony last night. PGP.

Guy from accounting thinks it’s hilarious to stare at me from the doorway until I ask him what he wants. All he says is “Hey buddy,” then walks off. Every time. PGP.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together and now she farts in front of me. PGP.

Old guy in the cube over eats carrots and celery every morning at 9 A.M. PGP.

Got a mouth smacker and a keyboard slapper in the cube over. PGP.

That moment after lunch when you click “refresh” on your email…and a completely full page pops up. PGP.

I’m better prepared to get Ebola than to get someone pregnant. PGP.

Every hurricane season, I get excited at the chance that my city will be hit and I’ll be able to afford a house afterwards. PGP.

Just made a song set to the sound of our industrial copier. PGP.

The ratio of people to cake is too big. PGP.

Three-day conference next week in a Big Ten town. Boss just said we won’t leave the hotel. PGP.

People your own age calling you “sir.” PGP.