That second bottle of wine on a work night: good in theory, entirely ridiculous in practice. PGP.

My week feels like Monday, Monday #2, Monday #3, Monday #4, Friday, Saturday, Pre-Monday. PGP.

My apartment has fleas. I don’t have a pet. PGP.

Went to bed last night with a smile on my face, thinking about the coffee I would have this morning. PGP.

Took 13 hours to drive home. Took 13 hours and one minute to realize I left my apartment keys at my parents’ house. PGP.

I got a raise and have no idea how or why it happened. I’m not asking questions. PGP.

My company not having its shit together is the only thing keeping me from being fired. PGP.

1: “Did you already eat lunch?” 2: “Yeah.” 1: “Do you want to go to Chili’s anyway?” 2: “Yeah.” PGP.

Friday, you son of a bitch! PGP.

My New Year’s Resolution is to stop treating my body like a garbage disposal. PGP.

NYE hangover: day two. PGP.

The post-lunch scramble to find an open stall. PGP.

I hate not being able to afford something far more than I would enjoy owning it. PGP.

Last meal of 2014, frozen pizza. First meal of 2015, frozen pizza. PGP.

I haven’t gotten a work email in two weeks. PGP.

Should’ve stayed the fuck home. PGP.

It’s New Year’s Eve and all I want to do is stay in, in my pajamas and drink on my couch while not watching the ball drop. PGP.

Just found out that I’m not getting paid for last week’s vacation. PGP.

When STD stands for “Save The Date” and not “Sexually Transmitted Disease.” PGP.

Parents bought a pack of batteries for my niece and nephews’ gifts. Took a couple for my vibrator. Happy holidays. PGP.