My little brother just graduated law school in the top five percent of his class. My dog got kicked out of obedience school. PGP.

25% battery by 2pm. PGP.

I’ve had more PGPs posted this month than I have sales. I’d say my priorities are straight. PGP.

Rewarding yourself for not drinking Monday and Tuesday by getting hammered before 6pm on a Wednesday. PGP.

Mom still thinks I drink too much. PGP.

Month-to-month leases. PGP.

Realizing that everyone has a bachelor’s degree and your time and money spent in college made you average. PGP.

The urge to fiercely urinate woke me up 15 minutes before my alarm. PGP.

I just got a way too excited about downloading the Kroger app. PGP.

Gas station breakfast burrito and Pepsi for breakfast. PGP.

Whoever installed an even number of urinals can go straight to hell. PGP.

Had a customer tell me that I sound like I’ve been doing this for years. I have. Years and years and years…and years. PGP.