Anyone that signs their emails with “Cheers” can go to hell. PGP.

Pretty pumped about my waiver wire grabs this week. PGP.

“Crushing spreadsheets” is actually a term I catch myself using often. PGP.

I am visibly ill. My boss has yet to tell me to go home. PGP.

Too poor too buy my own lunch. Too fat to eat the pizza my boss bought. PGP.

Having your hair color described as salt and pepper. At age 27. PGP.

Got a four percent raise today. It would barely cover my cable bill if I had one to begin with. PGP.

Found out at homecoming I can still drink like I did in college. The hangover lasted till Wednesday. PGP.

HR guy at my new job told me to go out and celebrate with drinks with close family and friends. Got Jimmy John’s alone. PGP.

Moving up from the Adidas duffel bag to Samsonite for trip to Homecoming. PGPM.

I am sore from my flu shot. PGP.

Your parents asking you to stop by the house this weekend to check in on their dog and cat because they know you don’t have plans. PGP.