Thinking about all the souls that have been devoured within these walls. PGP.

Being the exact type of person I said I’d never become. PGP.

I’m the epitome of average. PGP.

Just got really excited over the possibility of a business trip to Phoenix. PGP.

Broke my dry streak and threw out my back. PGP.

Almost slid off the road into a ditch due to snowy conditions, but don’t worry, I still made it to my office for my job that I can totally do at home on my computer. PGP.

Afraid to pregame the company party with my coworkers because they still don’t know that I am a complete degenerate. PGP.

Had a girl come over late last night. The sex wasn’t worth sacrificing the sleep. PGP

Another one of my pledge brothers just got engaged. Another man down. PGP.

Fell asleep on a conference call.

My doctor just voluntarily offered me a Xanax prescription. I’m here for the flu. PGP.

Trying to find a sober picture for your LinkedIn profile. PGP.