My hangover is distracting me from work and I like it.

Mint auto-categorized Uber to Alcohol & Bars. #PGP

I started labeling my refridgerated food with our CEO’s name. PGPowerMove.

I don’t always get a free lunch at work. But when I do, I eat until I hate myself.

Your mom emailing you the location and information for upcoming Bachelorette castings in your city. PGP

Half my friends are engaged and having kids, the other half are too drunk to even find their phones. PGP.

Staying up to watch the All-Star game, and I’m paying for it this morning. PGP

Feeling worse on your first day back from vacation than before you left. Pgp

Got caught pressing the door close button on the elevator. PGP

I make slightly less than the average American household and I still feel like a poor. PGP

Ringing a bell : Pavlov’s dogs drooling :: Smelling coffee : Me pooping. PGP.

Tis the season of out of office replies. PGP.