When married guys come into the office happier than usual I just assume they got laid last night. PGP.

The more I have to listen to my middle-age coworker complain about new technology in the office the more I understand the psyche of Patrick Bateman.PGP.

Experienced a minor victory this morning when due to my savage hangover, vomited in the shower, but aimed for and hit the drain perfectly.

And just like that, all the hot interns are back at school

Made my lunch. Left it at home. PGP.

Watching the University of Alabama sorority video and realizing you went to the wrong school

“You guys hear about Jared?”

I can’t get internet on my phone in any of the office’s bathrooms. PGP.

Your entire mood at the office being based on how long you’ve gone without caffeine. PGP

I took my adderall too late. PCP

The highlight of my day was leaving for an hour to go to a doctors appointment. PGP

Gossiping about a coworker on lunch, not realizing they’re right behind you.