My girlfriend reads Things Girls Do After Graduation, so now I have mad ring pressure. PGP.

Silently puking in the office bathroom the morning after the holiday party. PGP.

My condom stash is expired. PGP.

CFO responded to a company-wide email about meeting our yearly goal with nothing but “Dilly Dilly!” PGP.

Using seasonal affective disorder as a cover for your alcoholism. PGP.

Typing rebuttal emails in word knowing you can’t actually send them without extensive editing if you want to keep your job. PGP.

“Are you going anywhere for Christmas?” PGP.

My boss just put in his two weeks notice. PGP.

Some guy from another floor is washing his hair in our bathroom. PGP.

Received a firm-wide email from the CEO thanking everyone for their hard work this year along with a $100 electronic gift card to Amazon. It was an internal phishing test that was his idea. PGP.

Company holiday was just changed from a Friday night happy hour to a Tuesday luncheon. PGP.

My last three Tinder messages have been sponsored advertisements. PGP.