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Every time I fly home to Orlando, FL for the holidays or a long weekend, I end up in MCO surrounded by all the families ready to hit up the parks. It’s cute when I see a four-year-old with their little Minnie ears on in the airport, and I like watching the excitement on kid’s faces when the plane lands and they’re ready to get to Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, or what have you, ASAP. Sometimes though, I’ll notice the couple or individual adult who is arriving, sans kids. As I ride the little monorail to baggage claim, I am silently judging them and allowing their presence to feed into my opinion that adult Disney fans are extremely unsettling.
I used to invite people to come down with me for spring break in college and I would always offer to take them to Disney Springs if they were interested. I’ve done the food and wine tours in Epcot with my parents and had fun. But that’s about it. I would never pay for my own over-priced ticket into the parks if I didn’t have a child with me. I haven’t been to the amusement park side of things in years. Even when I have future children, we’ll maybe go to the park once in their lives. Because you know what’s more fun than Disney World? Literally anything else.
I have friends that took their honeymoon this past summer to Disney World, and it was all they could talk about for weeks. I had to play up how fantastic the whole thing sounded as they explained their plans to fast pass Space Mountain, and eat at whatever Beauty & The Beast Restaurant where there is random singing during the meal. I’m glad the excursion was perfect for this couple, but I still can’t fathom how it was enjoyable. The parks aren’t cheap, and they insisted on staying in one of the Disney resorts which come at a higher price than a normal hotel. They spent a couple thousand dollars to stand in sweaty long lines, surrounded by rowdy children, and pay jacked up prices for amusement park food.
Even the merchandise for adults is a red flag that someone is an oddball. You don’t need three Piglet dish towels and a seven dwarves luggage set. It’s disturbing. We give so much grief to the degenerate Bronies as we rightfully should. They’re obsessing over My Little Pony, a show designed for children. Adults fixated on Disney are falling into the exact same kind of madness, without the social repercussions.
I don’t even want to have to go here, but there really should be some kind of medical diagnosis for adults (bar parents, I suppose) dressing up in character to go to the parks. A co-worker once explained to me the hundreds of dollars she had spent on making a realistic Little Mermaid costume to wear on her next trip down to sunny Florida. The whole time she was talking, the only thing running through my mind was how much I would hate doing some weird shit like that.
It’s not just the parks. I’ve talked to multiple people who freak out when a Disney movie is released before being put into the Disney vault. These individuals, with no children, are pining over a Blu-ray copy of 101 Dalmatians that will probably cost upwards of $50 because of the “collector’s edition” sticker they insist on pay more for. I can’t even remember the last time I bought a DVD, and these die-hards are buying multiple copies of one movie.
I don’t want to destroy the parks, and I don’t hate the films or the characters. I may not be into him myself, but there’s no personal vendetta I carry against Mickey Mouse. I just think it’s really fucking strange to be a grown-ass adult still obsessed with all things Disney. All the weirdos with a Donald Duck phone case ought to do a little self-reflecting. Being a fan of something is normal, letting it take over your life is not.
Come down to Orlando, skip the Magic Kingdom shit and go to Universal Studios instead. It’s a million times better, and they serve alcohol all over the park..
Image via s_bukley / Shutterstock.com