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My name is Dave. I’m 32 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet, and a vigorous exercise routine. This year, I’ve decided to let all of you in on a few secrets to success that I’ve been holding onto for years now – in the form of apparel and accessories.
Yes, how you look and feel is often directly linked to how you perform in the wild west that is the modern business landscape. Below is a gift guide featuring some items we will straight up profit from you purchasing (Man Outfitters), and other items that we may receive a commission on (Amazon Affiliate Links) if you choose to follow my wisdom and make purchases. Now please take my hand as we take a stroll down closer street.
Tiger Woods 2000 U.S. Open Picture
Imagine sitting down at your desk every morning and looking over at a 14-time major winner in his prime. That’s the face of a man who just won his third major by 15 fucking strokes. Inspiring to say the least.
Sendero Provisions Verano Hat
You’re a work hard, play hard guy. We know that business never sleeps, but when you have a little downtime to enjoy delicious appetizers at an open-air bar in uptown, you’ll need some excellent headwear so your peers know you have a life outside of the office. I like this hat because it gives off the vibe that you fly-fish and do other outdoorsy shit, and people in positions of power eat that stuff up.
Onnit: Total Gut Health
I’ve listened to enough Joe Rogan to understand the importance of probiotics and gut health. I’m basically an expert at this point. I could lecture you on the science as to why you need to be concerned about the good bacteria in your gut, but I’ll let Onnit’s CEO Aubrey Marcus take care of that.
Look, I actually take this stuff daily, and it keeps me from feeling like a bloated piece of shit after I stuff my face with a burrito that I lone-wolfed while staring out of a window. It has my seal of approval.
YETI Rambler 10 Lowball
I’m honestly embarrassed for you if you don’t already own this. I drink coffee, and I drink bourbon. I’m sure you do too. Both beverages pair well with this little guy. There’s a vibe attached to this thing, and it’s a vibe that you want to be associated with.
Onnit: Alpha Brain
I get snaps weekly from loyal Touching Base and Dudes Doing Business listeners who have taken a liking to Alpha Brain. I take it almost every day for mental focus, because when you’re dipping your toes in the content game and the law game, you have to stay sharp.
Mlotus Summer Cold Hot Compress Relaxing Ice Eye Mask
In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.
Jack Black: ‘Jet Set’ Traveler Set
I believe in consistency. If I’m on the road, the last thing I need to show up to a conference with dry skin like a moron. That’s a bad look, cowboy. I bring my boy JB with me when I’m on the road, and people often compliment my hot, smooth face.
Trask Derek American Bison Driver Shoe
There are four types of footwear every man should own. Sleds, boots, athletic, and a driving loafer. These are great for wearing on the weekend when you don’t want to put out too much of a closer vibe. Subtle. Nice.
Lucchese Classics Men’s Montana-Sien F.Q. Ost Dkbn Derby Calf Riding Boot
Uh, yeah dude, I think you’re gonna need these. Not to be too Texas-centric here, but I would think less of you as a person if you didn’t own these. I get emails every day from people wanting to setup calls and meetings, and there’s no chance in hell I’d blow off some guy who big dicked around in these beauties.
Allen Edmonds Men’s Firenze Loafer
Did you study abroad in Firenze (Florence)? Because I did, so I think I know what I’m talking about. I can’t imagine showing my face at a meeting in anything other than these. Deal closers only, please.
Woodford Reserve
Drink responsibly, dumbass.
UE Boom 2 Wireless Mobile Bluetooth Speaker
It’s 2016. This ain’t your grandaddy’s golf course anymore, baby. If you’re not out there letting drivers rip on short par fours while this bad boy blasts out an awkward mix of Sturgill, UGK, and Pat Green, you’re making a fatal error.
Arc’teryx Atom LT Coreloft Jacket
I’ve had my eye on this for a while. I think it’s the mature twenty-somethings outdoor jacket. It’s a cold world, so prepare yourself.
This Hungry Pack Of Wolves
Perfect for your office or home, I recommend placing this above your master bathroom’s toilet so you can remind yourself of who you are as you hold your flaccid piece. Business is a sport, and it’s important to approach every scenario with a killer instinct. Never let up..
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
@dcruff
dcarterruff
david@grandex.co
Dave,
Just you wait till my package gets to HQ.
I take Alpha Brain with coconut oil black coffee and some tincture drops of Indica Medical marijuana that’s high in CBD and then I go to work and sit there and think deeply about doing stuff until it’s time to go to the gym and then I come back, fire off some emails, walk around for a coffee, spruce up some mobile app cohort analytics reports then jet home at around 4 so I can poop in the privacy of my own home and then I usually get high, edit photos, watch stand up specials on Netflix all while wearing my Patagonia Better Sweater and some joggers and then I tend to fall asleep on the couch and wake up at 3am randomly and forget where I and or how I got there and then the cycle continues for like another 5 days or so
Why no Miata on list?
If you don’t already drive one then you shouldn’t even be reading this
Madison, I think you need to wipe the blood from your mouth. Vicious.
Dave, got any promo codes? Digging the hat and jacket.
MO-4c9ft7t2
You’re welcome.
Successfully applied, $0 removed from total…
Most people have mistaken me for this dickhead Dave Ruff. It seems logical because Dave also works as a closer and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Dave and I even both use Supreme Cream, although I have a slightly better shave.
Stay woke Dave, this guy wants to wear your skin.
Love this guy
Just me or do those boots scream Duda?
Bose over UE Boom 100%
Bose is shitty value for what you pay. Just an FYI.
In all seriousness, what would be better at that price point for a Bose Mini 2?
I’ve got a BIG Jambox and that works pretty well.
Way to know that true closers do business in round toe
Do you have the coffee mug handle for the rambler? Maybe a little less cool but still a total upgrade for everyday use IMO.
Damn you’re old.
Damn Skeeter
🙁
Yeah dude. Honk honk!
Good grief