======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Where you get your coffee in the morning can say a lot about who you are as a person and how you’re doing in life. Personally, I’ve recently started bringing it from home in an effort to save a few bucks. I take my coffee black because I’m both a tough guy and concerned about drinking too many calories. As an added bonus, my roommates think the recent studies are right and drinking black coffee makes me a “psychopath.” I couldn’t disagree more, but it keeps them on their toes, so they complain less when I don’t pull my fair share of cleaning.
I drink a borderline heart-stopping amount of coffee all day, every day, and throughout my life I’ve changed where I get my coffee from many times. A few months back, I wrote up a column about how my office doesn’t have a coffee maker, and I’m slowly going broke because of it. I’ve come a long way since then, exploring a variety of different options when it comes to taste, location, and cost.
Starbucks
Starbucks is for closers; there’s no getting around it. Back when I went to Starbucks every morning, almost everyone was dressed business formal or a wealthy mother in head to toe Lululemon. There was no gray area in this sea of coastal, liberal elites, and at the time I couldn’t have felt more at home. I had just started my first job and was enjoying the luxury of having a steady paycheck, getting dressed up for work, and being able to afford a venti Pike black twice a day. However, as time wore on the cost of this habit began to become too much to bear, so I decided to switch to something a little cheaper.
Dunkin Donuts
Dunks, as many call it up here in Boston is a staple for New Englanders and blue collar workers around the world. Their slogan says it all – “America runs on Dunkin.” You bet it does, but I for one am incapable of drinking anything from them other than their iced coffee. Unfortunately for my post-grad body, they offer a convenient selection of syrups to choose from to turn your morning Joe into more of a morning milkshake. I was totally fine with this lower-cost, higher calorie option until I woke up one morning, looked at myself in the mirror, and shuddered at the pitiful man staring back at me. I knew I wouldn’t stop ordering my large, caramel, iced coffees with cream, so I made a conscious decision to leave this option in my past, except when excessively hung-over. I didn’t want to go back to Starbucks so I made a disastrous mistake. I chose to go to…
McDonalds
“$1 for any size cup of coffee!” I thought to myself, what a stea! Surrounded by salt of the earth, red-blooded Americans, I placed my order. Then I tried the coffee, immediately hit rock bottom and decided I could sacrifice a few percentage points to the 401(k) (so long, early retirement) in order to treat myself to something a little bit nicer.
The Local Shop
Where Starbucks was the pinnacle of wheeling and dealing, the local coffee shops I ventured into were breeding grounds for soon to be discovered novelists, screenplay writers, and bloggers who were going to make it big one day. I’m a relatively personable guy, and I normally find a way to fit in wherever I am, but this was different. Everywhere I looked, there were tattoo sleeves, man-buns, and beards as far as the eye could see. With my pale, tattoo-less complexion, thinning, close-cropped haircut, and lack of ability to grow facial hair, I couldn’t have been more out of my element. I got my overpriced, large black coffee to go and vowed never to return. This wasn’t my world, and the New Year was coming up, which meant it was time for resolutions. I knew what I had to do.
Bringing Coffee from Home
This is my current setup, and so far, it hasn’t been too bad. It’s certainly the cheapest option out of the all the others mentioned, but it does leave something to be desired. There’s a certain feeling you get grabbing a coffee on your way into work. It makes you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself, and you can relate to the other people in line with you that are all going through a similar daily grind. When you bring coffee from home, you alienate yourself from that group, and project an annoying air of superiority around you. Without realizing it, you begin making pretentious statements like, “You know Starbucks only tastes like that because it’s burnt.” Or, “Dunkin Donuts is too watered down for my tastes, no thank you.” This is considered borderline high treason in Massachusetts, so my only hope is to avoid becoming the insufferable coffee from home guy for as long as possible.
I have no idea how long my habit of bringing coffee from home will last, but when it inevitably comes to an end. What’s next?.
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Post Grad Brad
Recent post grad whose name is Brad. That pretty much sums it up. Email me at postgradbrad@gmail.com.
Any company that doesn’t provide free coffee to their employees is stupid. Do you not want them to be more productive because they are cracked out on the best non-alcoholic drink in the world?
Our company provides coffee but it tastes so bad I can’t even drink it
I’m not proud of the piece of trash I’ve become, but I’ve lowered my standards to the point of being able to drink even gas station coffee. Addictions are bad
I’ve never understood the appeal of gas station coffee. Pouring burnt oil into a cup and looking at a bar of 40 different flavored syrups that are dripping from their spouts and all the other bullshit to dilute it doesn’t appeal to me.
I don’t drink it because I want it. I drink it because I happen to be in the gas station already in there buying a poptart, or there’s no better option when I’m driving through the middle of nowhere USA
True. Convenience makes us do some things we aren’t proud of…..
I’m a Starbucks & local cafe kind of guy but surprisingly, the best coffee I’ve ever had was from a gas station in Minneapolis.
In tech, we’re also used to getting free pop/soda. I haven’t worked somewhere yet that had free energy drinks in the fridge, but if I got a job that had unlimited free Red Bull I would never leave (and probably die of a heart attack).
we do not have coffee but we do have an employee’s only fully functioning starbucks that has discounted prices.
Get a new job. Reading your predicament made me angry.
Name checks out.
Sup?
your username just reminded me that my orthodontist looked exactly like larry bird. i totally forgot he even existed (larry bird AND my orthodontist lol)
Apologies for light tent this morning. Weather was a nightmare coming in and we are getting smoked by technical issues.
It’s cool man I put two columns in early, you can just push those through while you wait- I’ve got another cookin right now.
It’s fine, we’re entertaining ourselves on the group me.
There’s a PGP groupme??
Check out the Reddit page.
Entertaining is an understatement
It’s cool I’m a little hungover so this works for me.
Can confirm the likelihood of getting murked if you shit talk Dunks in Boston
I realize how completely unpopular this will be, but what if you don’t drink coffee?
I don’t understand.
She must have an adderall plug. Or she’s a sorcerer. Those are the only logical possibilities
I live this life. I sip ice water from my Yeti tumbler and hope no one glances through the clear top to realize I’m a no-coffee savage.
I’m with you. Ice water does it for me. Coffee just doesn’t have an effect on me, never has.
As much as I love coffee- going for the tea in the afternoon is a great way to coast the day. Slight caffeine bump without the crash afterwards.
Nah, I’m good.
Sorry, I don’t think I understand your question.
Sup?
Get outta here.
I don’t see that listed as an option anywhere, ever.
I’m definitely on the no coffee side. Never had a cup in my life
Can proudly say the same thing.
I splurged for a French Press and an electric kettle for my cube a little while back. My average heart rate is at an all time high, and my wallet is feeling the love.
That’s what I did. After working at an office that didn’t have a coffee maker and now working at one that has Folger’s garbage, I just decided to go rogue and make my own.
I’m on #teamhomecoffee. Not only is it cheaper, but if you take the time to grind it, then make it, it simply cannot be beat. Also, there’s something to be said for setting the pot to brew before you get up. It’s pretty pleasant for us peasants.
I’m gonna get blasted into oblivion probably, but #TeamTea
Nothing like a steady buzz from some green tea.
Mixing in a few cups of green tea between the morning and afternoon coffees has been a solid formula of a consistently caffeinated day.
Coffee during the morning, tea in the afternoon
Despite my best efforts I have really struggled to get coffee to work underwater. Brand doesn’t seem to matter although i’m sure using whatever fell of the side of the most recent overloaded trade ship doesn’t help either.
Google tells me that coffee makers at Target and Amazon can run as cheap as $15. BYOCoffee maker, bruh.
I think I bought mine like 6 years ago for approximately $9. I’ve never understood coffee shops.