Terrible shots are a part of the game. They can range from a slightly pushed iron that ends up buried in a bunker or a 5 wood you topped because that cart girl was sitting right there watching. Nosy bitch. But remember, it’s all about the recovery. You have to move on from your mistake and focus on the next shot.
A tradition unlike any other. Tossing a club is perhaps the most classic reaction to a poorly struck shot. As any seasoned golfer will tell you, tossing a club puts everyone on notice that you’re embarrassed about what you’ve just done, and you aren’t afraid to tear a rotator cuff to show it. Keep in mind that there’s a time to toss and a time to just let everyone think you’re about to toss. The windup and fake toss often works just as well. If you do plan on tossing, here are some things to look out for:
• Trees – If you get careless with your launch angle, you may end up spending the next twenty-five minutes trying to retrieve your gap wedge from a large oak.
• Humans – Nothing is more awkward than a club sling that buzzes your buddy’s head. I know what you’re thinking. He shouldn’t have been standing there, and you’re right. But still, be aware of your surroundings. Collateral damage can still result in a manslaughter charge, and you don’t have time to wait around for EMTs to arrive.
• Old-School Members – The older golfers just don’t get it. They don’t appreciate a good crow-hopped sidewinder. Hey, that’s fine. To each his own, as they say. But these old-school guys are very likely to tell a marshall or call the pro shop and have you removed from the course. Dudes are lame.
This is my go-to move. My coping mechanism for a hideous push-slice is a nice “YOU FUCKING PUSSY” before I even finish my swing. Okay, maybe that’s over the top. If it’s not your style to dog cuss yourself, then you can always do the “What is wrong with me today?” as you watch that four-footer for par lip out. That’s fine, too. Or just call yourself a coward and threaten to quit the game. I do it often.
Immediately turn around and call someone out for standing too close behind you. Berate your playing partners for taking half swings on the tee box while you’re in the middle of your pre-shot routine. Demand that your group switch their phones to airplane mode. It’s like these assholes have never been on a course before. Give me a break.
This pretty much works for any scenario on or off the golf course. In fact, I think that most doctors would agree that using alcohol as a coping mechanism is highly effective. If you hit one a little thin, calmly walk back to the golf cart, put your club in the bag, and crack open a tallboy. You don’t have to pound it, but tip it back a little bit so everyone knows you’re about to get your mind correct. Those pins better recognize, because you’re about to change the game.
Blame The Course
I’ve found that at least half of my mishits are directly related to poor course management. Caught one thin out of a bunker? The sand is shitty. Chunked a chip? Poor irrigation. Part of moving past a poor shot is recognizing that it wasn’t even your fault. I use this philosophy in life, as well. Is that green regulation size or what? I’m all for making a golf course difficult, but just make it fair, guys..