20 Non-TSA Approved Ways To Entertain Yourself At 35,000 Feet

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Traveling alone sucks. Here are some ways to spice things up.

  1. Before boarding, ask the gate agent who you need to speak to about bottle service.
  2. When the stewardess comes around with drink service, hand her your credit card and ask to start a tab.
  3. Pass out condoms to potential hookups.
  4. Place a sign on one of the bathrooms labeling it “Reserved for mile high club members only.”
  5. If people get enraged over aforementioned sign, offer to induct them into the club personally.
  6. Monopolize the flight crew’s microphone for karaoke.
  7. Sing R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly.”
  8. Bring a deck of cards, then ask your row mates if they want to “Ride the Bus.”
  9. Explain to the guy next to you why every single product in the SkyMall magazine is a must buy.
  10. Practice your golf swing in the aisle.
  11. Ask people what kind of snake they would most prefer to be on the plane.
  12. Turn a profit secretly selling Xanax to stressed-out-looking travelers.
  13. Use every interaction with the stewardess as an impromptu speed date.
  14. Challenge a person sitting in the exit row to a game of Ro-sham-bo, winner gets the seat.
  15. Hand out your résumé to each person sitting in first class. Networking, am I right?
  16. Send a shot to the babe in 16B.
  17. When the fasten seat belt light comes on, immediately begin to fasten anyone’s unbuckled seat belt for them.
  18. Make a blanket fort with the in-flight linens.
  19. Do squats in the aisle.
  20. Try to start the wave.

Disclaimer: Engaging in some of these acts may result in placement on the No-Fly-List.

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