College: A 7:30am wake-up is hell on earth.
Postgrad: A 7:30am wake-up is sleeping in.
College: Cold autumn morning means it’s still tank top weather. Just need more bourbon.
Postgrad: Cold autumn morning means the perfect excuse to finally wear that turtleneck.
College: Beer pong and flip cup tables.
Postgrad: Cold cuts and pumpkin spice muffin tables.
College: Speakers blasting techno and country.
Postgrad: Speakers blasting the pregame show on AM radio.
College: Plastic handles of flavored vodka.
Postgrad: Finally upgraded to Svedka and Beam this year.
College: There’s a good chance you won’t be eating.
Postgrad: A trunk’s worth of barbeque, bratwurst, and burgers.
College: Shotgun three brews in the first five minutes. Pat your stomach. Feel proud.
Postgrad: Polish off three donut bites in the first five minutes. Pat your stomach. Feel ashamed.
College: Tailgates are parties that happen to have a football theme.
Postgrad: Getting pumped for the game is the first, second, and third priority.
College: If you need a ticket, just look for a student ID that you could pass for.
Postgrad: If you need a ticket, just look for the homeless looking guy.
College: Chances are you’re going to wander to three or four different tailgates.
Postgrad: Only place you’re wandering to is the port-o-potty line.
College: The rule of thumb for College Gameday signs: The racier, the better.
Postgrad: You wonder how some of those Gameday signs were allowed on television.
College: Samantha Steele spotting. What a babe.
Postgrad: Samantha Steele spotting. Damn you, Ponder.
College: Lee Corso wearing a headdress and doing an Indian dance is hilarious.
Postgrad: Lee Corso wearing a headdress and doing an Indian dance seems to fly in the face of ESPN’s “anti-Redskins” stance.
College: Cornhole is your bread and butter.
Postgrad: It’s all about tossing the pigskin.
College: Hitting on girls is expected. Tailgates are pretty much parties with a football theme.
Postgrad: Hitting on the students gets creepier by the year.
College: Once you’re inside the stadium, you’ll be surrounded by the rowdiest fellow students in the country.
Postgrad: 95% of the people you will be sitting near couldn’t get into the school. Of this 95%, half look like they wear jean shorts.
College: Justify leaving early by wanting to drink more.
Postgrad: Justify leaving early by wanting to beat traffic.
College: Sing Hall & Oates all morning until you’re hoarse in the throat.
Postgrad: Periodically sing the fight song at a less-than-enthusiastic volume.
College: Kickoff time = nap time.
Postgrad: Kickoff time = game time.
College: Your team is going to kick ass today.
Postgrad: Your team is going to kick ass today.