15 Things You Need To Do To Be My Perfect Fall Boyfriend

15 Things You Need To Do To Be My Perfect Fall Boyfriend

As summer turns to fall people naturally start to pair off. Maybe the colder weather leads people to want to snuggle up to lower heating costs or they’re just planning ahead to have someone to binge-watch with during the unavoidable snow (for most of us anyway).

For those of you guys looking to lock down a lady this time of year, the competition can be stiff (pun intended). Not only do you have to have all of the usual things girls are looking for – good looks, a decent car, enough money to take me to dinner at somewhere with an actual waitress – but the fall season adds a whole new element to the dating fun. To give you a heads up, here are some extra seasonal qualifications for my potential fall boyfriend:

Will watch football with me on Thursday nights, Sunday afternoons, and Monday nights.
I don’t really care about college football so you do what you want on Saturdays. I’m going shopping for riding boots and plaid scarves.

Will not be offended when I send you home on Sunday nights before the start of Sunday Night Football.
I need some “me” time.

Has a fall-appropriate wardrobe of cute flannels, a few cable knit sweaters, flattering jeans, and at least one fleece vest.
Fair warning: I’ll steal at least four of those flannels.

Will go apple picking with minimal complaint.
Key word: minimal. But because I’m nice, we can go apple picking somewhere that has booze. Deal?

Will eat all of the things I attempt to make with the 10 pounds of apples we come home with.
Sure, apples on pasta is weird, but just try it.

Has perfected your photo/selfie taking skills in order to document all of our #fallfun activities.
Dinosaur arms need not apply.

Does not object to being tagged in all aforementioned #fallfun activities on Instagram.
If it’s not on Insta, it didn’t happen.

Has a puppy to be featured in these #fallfun Instas.
Preferably a golden retriever, but I’m flexible.

Can grow a suitable scruff of facial hair for fall without looking like A.) pubes are growing on your face or B.) a child molester.
Clean-shaven is for the summer.

Will not mock my need to buy all pumpkin flavored and scented items, from candles all the way to lattes and donuts.
Bonus points if you just randomly show up with PSLs.

Possesses decent pumpkin carving skills.
I cut myself every.damn.year, but I still want a monogrammed pumpkin.

Does not comment on the extra 5 pounds I put on as “bikini weather” turns to “oversized sweater weather.”
It’s my football-watching weight.

Will snuggle to ward off the fall chill.
Because obviously, we will sleep with the windows open for the crisp fall air.

Will retreat to your own side of the bed after said-snuggle and not touch me during sleep time.
Seriously, don’t touch me. I hate that.

Does not object to a cute couple Halloween costume.
Mickey and Minnie? Bonnie and Clyde? Barbie and Ken? I’m open to ideas.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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