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As summer turns to fall people naturally start to pair off. Maybe the colder weather leads people to want to snuggle up to lower heating costs or they’re just planning ahead to have someone to binge-watch with during the unavoidable snow (for most of us anyway).
For those of you guys looking to lock down a lady this time of year, the competition can be stiff (pun intended). Not only do you have to have all of the usual things girls are looking for – good looks, a decent car, enough money to take me to dinner at somewhere with an actual waitress – but the fall season adds a whole new element to the dating fun. To give you a heads up, here are some extra seasonal qualifications for my potential fall boyfriend:
Will watch football with me on Thursday nights, Sunday afternoons, and Monday nights.
I don’t really care about college football so you do what you want on Saturdays. I’m going shopping for riding boots and plaid scarves.
Will not be offended when I send you home on Sunday nights before the start of Sunday Night Football.
I need some “me” time.
Has a fall-appropriate wardrobe of cute flannels, a few cable knit sweaters, flattering jeans, and at least one fleece vest.
Fair warning: I’ll steal at least four of those flannels.
Will go apple picking with minimal complaint.
Key word: minimal. But because I’m nice, we can go apple picking somewhere that has booze. Deal?
Will eat all of the things I attempt to make with the 10 pounds of apples we come home with.
Sure, apples on pasta is weird, but just try it.
Has perfected your photo/selfie taking skills in order to document all of our #fallfun activities.
Dinosaur arms need not apply.
Does not object to being tagged in all aforementioned #fallfun activities on Instagram.
If it’s not on Insta, it didn’t happen.
Has a puppy to be featured in these #fallfun Instas.
Preferably a golden retriever, but I’m flexible.
Can grow a suitable scruff of facial hair for fall without looking like A.) pubes are growing on your face or B.) a child molester.
Clean-shaven is for the summer.
Will not mock my need to buy all pumpkin flavored and scented items, from candles all the way to lattes and donuts.
Bonus points if you just randomly show up with PSLs.
Possesses decent pumpkin carving skills.
I cut myself every.damn.year, but I still want a monogrammed pumpkin.
Does not comment on the extra 5 pounds I put on as “bikini weather” turns to “oversized sweater weather.”
It’s my football-watching weight.
Will snuggle to ward off the fall chill.
Because obviously, we will sleep with the windows open for the crisp fall air.
Will retreat to your own side of the bed after said-snuggle and not touch me during sleep time.
Seriously, don’t touch me. I hate that.
Does not object to a cute couple Halloween costume.
Mickey and Minnie? Bonnie and Clyde? Barbie and Ken? I’m open to ideas..
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
I am 14/15, nobody is perfect. Also, SATURDAYS ARE FOR THE BOYS
So which one aren’t you?
I don’t own a dog.
Oh we can fix that one. 🙂
Fine, but no dogs in my building so we’ve got to sleep at your place if he needs a babysitter.
Any other terms?
Nah, I’m flexible.
Look at me making love connections.
This seems like too much, can we just bang a couple of times and then never talk again?
Hey
I really thought we had something going in that last column…
Just let it go man she has moved on.
Well I told you the party was over on twitter. If you couldn’t figure out that meant to find me there, then I don’t know what else to do
haha
Pass. You can’t have any of my flannels. I’ll take one or two pictures of you doing fall things, and ask someone to take one photo of us for proof of couplehood, but I will not take a selfie of us. Plus I get jealous if my dog likes someone more than me.
Sup?
Do we need to be the owner of said puppy or simply posses it?
I’m not saying I have pumpkin spice air fresheners plugged in to make sure my house doesn’t smell like puppy, but I’m definitely not saying it’s not the case. Downvote away, I will not apologize.
I have a candle currently called “Tobacco Bay” and it’s wonderful.
That does sound delightful. I usually switch between lakeside cabin and random pie candles in the fall.
I also have one called “Salted Butter Caramel” on the way. Any pumpkin or apple pie one sounds great too.
B&BW
^^ Sweater weather is where its at, you’re welcome.
Bath & Body Works has, no lie, ten pumpkin-themed new scents right now.
where did you get that?
Huckberry
Gotta go with the Apple Cinnamon
the real question is what kind of puppy?
He’s a shepard/akita/great dane mix. He is my giant adorable doofus, as twitter can verify.
Is there a formal application? I can provide references.
Your mother can provide a reference
“I don’t really care about college football so you do what you want on Saturdays. I’m going shopping for riding boots and plaid scarves.”
Sold. See yah Sunday..
I’ll take the guys who are way more into college football than NFL. And I’ll leave you alone on Sundays while I have brunch and go to the dog park.
Sup?
Lists on lists on lists
and TGDAG hasn’t been published yet…