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The deep, dark, and no-doubt sticky underworld of Craigslist was always a place I was scared to go. The idea for this came from a dude I was seeing at the time who had told me that another friend of his was selling her panites on Craigslist and making an insane amount of money doing it. I figured, “I like money, why not?” The next evening, I put an ad to sell my underwear on the internet.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m used to sexually exploiting myself for money. I’m definitely not. So there was some sort of internal struggle that I had prior to creating the add in general. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing so I asked that same dude what he thought guys (or women, I’m not here to discriminate), would likely look for when searching one of these ads. His answer was quick (which should have concerned me more than it did), and he told me to lie. Thus, this advertisement headline was born:
Cute, young college girl selling panties for extra $$$
$35/one pair – $60/two pairs
I didn’t lie completely. I was in college at the time, and I was selling my panties. The rest was bull shit. I didn’t need the extra cash, I was just bored. Was I cute and young? Maybe cute in the way people say babies are cute when really they look like the bald equivalency of a Gremlin, and young in that I’m under 30. Regardless of these white lies, the headline was born. And I waited.
The ad was put up on a Wednesday evening. I woke up to 8 emails that morning inquiring about thing I hadn’t even thought of prior to my Craigslist post. Beautiful sentiments, such as:
“How dirty are they?”
“How dirty can you make them?”
“Do you also sell socks?”
“Can I see photos of your underwear?”
“How much for photos of you?”
“How much for photos of your feet?”
The list goes on…
After responding to some serious inquiries and ironing out some finer details, I was ready to make my first transaction. Let me just say, there’s not wrong way to sell your underwear on the internet, there’s also no way that’s discreet.
I agreed to meet this guy at a Starbucks in the middle of the day at a busy time so as to avoid being taken away in the dark and brutally raped and murdered. Then I ran into the issue of, how do I hand him my underwear while still being as casual as possible? I had a great deal of large USPS bags I was using to sell books I was stealing from Barnes and Noble (another story for another time), so I figured that works. However, I didn’t realize how sketchy it actually looked to hand someone a sealed envelope in exchange for money in a public place. But I was out of options.
I sat outside and wore large sunglasses so no one could see the internal sluttiness I was feeling from handing a married man my used (as in recently worn) underwear in a USPS bag in exchange for money. Regardless of my attempt to be incognito, the man found me and after little to no conversation, he handed me $60 and left in less than a minute. This made me feel as though I looked even more suspicious so I made an attempt to casually read a book before getting up and practically sprinting to my car in an anxiety ridden panic.
All in all, it wasn’t the worst experience of my life. I made a few more sales post this first experience, but ultimately lost business from not being willing to send naked pictures of myself to dudes in order for them to judge if they wanted to buy from me or not. Despite all of this, I am happy I did it and I would do it again if I ever was really hard up for money or extremely bored..
Image via Shutterstock
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Our most VICE headline ever.
This article making everyone all hot and bothered on a Monday morning. Mostly bothered.
Also, I’m very interested in the re-selling of stolen Barnes&Nobles books because that story also sounds hilarious.
Yea that’s another story for right now, not another time. Cough it up lady
The next time I’m in a Starbucks I am going to play the “whose the most likely to be the creep buying women’s underwear” game.
Why didn’t you just mail them?
And give them your address? Barbie, come on now.
Why would you give them your address? You don’t need a return address, and if it gets lost, so be it.
Read this in Dr. Cox’s voice
How you gonna get the money without a return address? Providing a venmo handle? I think she made the right move closing this deal at Starbs
I would imagine so they didn’t know your address. I have no horse in the race nor am I going to be Judge Judy to someone that buys used women’s underwear, but I also wouldn’t want that type of person to know where I live.
You’re not supposed to meet them in person! You should have just mailed them without a return address and set up a separate venmo account.
^expert
Thank you. At least someone else has the common sense to know how to set up transactions in grey markets. I am assuming you work in Finance like myself. Haha. But great story, this is the fact based journalism that makes Monday less painful.
Scared money don’t make no money.
God how fast would I do this if it was an option for dudes. Skidmarked Hanes boxerbriefs for $10, ladies??
Tbh this sounds like a fantastic way to make some extra cash
*get murdered / stalked / kidnapped
Electric. This is the hard hitting journalism I come here for