Prop bets on which friend’s baby will cry first at the Super Bowl party, and whose pregnant wife will make him leave first. PGP.

The guy Merrill Lynch assigned to manage my IRA is one year younger than me. PGP.

My wife joined Twitter. Now I have to stop following porn stars. PGP.

I’m a piece of shit. PGP.

Making eye contact through that gap in the stall door. PGP.

Swiping left on the hot 21-year-olds just to spare myself the rejection. PGP.

Having to stock up on toilet paper for your fantasy draft party. PGP.