I could be on that super-drug from “Lucy” and still wouldn’t be able to get all this shit done. PGP.

Only thing worse than my golf swing is my entire body the next day. PGP.

My birthday treat was adding guac to my burrito that I’m eating alone at my desk. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a lifelong relationship is my relationship with Sallie Mae. PGP.

A firm, yet very depressing sense of self-awareness. PGP.

“Hey Dad, I’m coming home today” “Why?” PGP.

She changed the Netflix password after we broke up. PGP.

Got drunk and hooked up with a chick in HR. What have I done? PGP.

My mind is telling me yes. But my body…my body is telling me no. PGP.