The “Where’s mine?” comment from the receptionist when you walk back in from picking up lunch. PGP.

Gmail automatically marks the newsletter from my liquor store as “important.” PGP.

I started drinking at lunch for fun. Now I do it out of necessity. PGP.

When your app crashes, it’s God’s way of saying “You’ve been pooping long enough.” PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

Work was offering free lunch today but instead I drove 10 minutes and ate at Arby’s alone just to get out of the office. PGP.

Mentally checking out from work two weeks before your day off. PGP.

The pregnant woman in the office has complete control of the thermostat. PGP.

1: “It’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” 2: “Yeah, but we really need it.” PGP.