Excited to get my wisdom teeth out because I’ll get a 3-day weekend and lose weight.

Swiped right on an ex’s Bumble profile.

The liquor store I frequent just tagged me in an Instagram post regarding their new delivery.

While looking for a shirt to wear to work, I realized no one will notice me anyway. PGP.

Mastered the rich white guy laugh for work. I’m black. PGP.

I’m way too hungover to be in the office today. PGP.

Dropping hundreds of dollars to watch a Cubs game but being too concerned about my financial stability to upgrade to Spotify Premium. PGP.

First year giving out candy and ran out in less than an hour. PGP.

Overdrafted my account buying Plan B. PGP.