They should fire whoever put black licorice in the conference room candy bowl. PGP.

The fine line between judgment and jealousy when you find out a friend’s parents still pay their rent. PGP.

Shit’s expensive. PGP.

Taking a dump and playing “Clash of Clans” is always the highlight of my day. PGP.

I watched old ’90s porn last night. The set had nicer furniture than my office does. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

Getting hit on by a cougar and iced out by someone your age. PGP.

I don’t know if I’m shaking from the caffeine or the hangover. PGP.

A 23-year-old just won the World Cup for his country. All I’ve done for mine is pay taxes. PGP.