Accountants are the Hufflepuffs of corporate America. PGP

I still make out in bars.PGP

My boss said “welcome home” when I walked in the office this morning. #PGP

You know it’s going to be a good day when you get your side part in a straight line on your first try. PGP.

Wells Fargo calling you at work about a suspicious charge for Adult Friend Finder. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

Not knowing where you stand. With anyone. PGP.