calling the bank on fraud credit charges, then realizing it was just something you bought when you were blacked out.

“Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and ate it over the sink like a rat.”- Andy Bernard

My boss looked relieved when I put in my two week notice. #PGP PGP.

Someone brought a box of girl scout cookies for the office and they were dominated within 10 minutes. Vultures. #PGP

Trying to find your own hole in the wall restaurant like Freddy’s BBQ on House of Cards #PGP

Running out of notches on your belt. Actually needing to go out and buy a new belt as the old one is too small #PGP PGP.

All I have learned from Tinder is that a lot of ugly girls live by me

I like my Netflix like I like my drinking: all binge, all the time. PGP.