If you think you are a bad host now, wait until you have a kid. It goes from not giving a shit to actively having to restrain yourself from strangling your clueless house guest who has no idea what it’s like to have your entire schedule dictated by an emotionally fragile slob with next to no survival instincts.
I would be willing to bet that Chad has a lot of ex friends out there who finally had it after one too many nights where they had to drag him out of a bar after he got drunk and decided to insult or threaten everyone in sight. And much like Evan, they have been totally annoyed in the past two months at the number of people who have declared that Chad is actually an awesome and hilarious hero. Because it’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with his drunk alter ego.
The first few seasons of the Real World were considered groundbreaking, partially for featuring gay and HIV-positive characters. I think the general consensus is that Hawaii (1999) was when they just said “fuck it, let’s throw a bunch of hot people into a house and watch them rub up on eachother.” (Not saying I wasn’t down to watch myself.) That is where I would start looking for the shift from the self-important MTV of my childhood to the network that made Farrah Abraham and The Situation famous.
“Why waste your time with bits of bone and chicken fat when you can keep your hands clean?”
Um, because the bones, skin, and fat are where all of the flavor are? You ever wonder by boneless skinless chicken breasts taste like nothing and dry out in about five seconds? No skin + no bone = a hunk of dry flavorless protein that might as well be tofu.
I’m actually starting to feel bad for the guys this season. It’s one thing to be forced to sit there in the everyone on the couch group interview setting while the producers throw them questions that are calculated to piss Chad off. Now they drive Chad back to the house after the 2 on 1 and tell him to go in there and get them 15 more minutes of footage for the scary Chad reel. This would be absolutely exhausting. I don’t care how many times I got to slowly lower JoJo’s ass into a hot tub, I’d be questioning if it were worth it.
There are a couple things that are wrong with having “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” on this list. First is the fact that it apparently goes on for five minutes. It’s just one of those songs that you put on as a joke on the jukebox, and regret playing after about two minutes. Nobody wants to listen to you and your bros scream along to that song for five minutes, no matter how hilarious it was when you did it back in college. Second, you can’t really dance to it, unless you do the middle school dance slow song swaying thing. If I’m a single person at your wedding, I want to be busting out some moves in hopes of catching the eye of a bridesmaid. This is going to kill my mojo really quickly.
I cannot tell you how annoyed I would be with any wedding DJ who played “With or Without You” at a reception. What is this, a wedding reception or someone sitting in their room alone moping over an unrequited sixth grade crush? Ain’t nobody want to dance to that.
If we learned anything from Nick Viall’s performance on Andi’s season, it’s that the “I’m the honest one who will openly question the process” line can get you pretty far. I can see Chad sticking around for a while, unless the Marine murders him.
I have an exception to this rule that I think really brings the issue into focus. I know a number of older gay men who proudly wore Eric Decker jerseys when he was playing for the Broncos. And I was fine with that. Because when you are an adult wearing a jersey with a name on it, it reeks of a crush. If you can own the crush, you can wear the jersey. If, however, you are the kind of guy who constantly feels the need to remind everyone that you are “totally not homo,” that jersey really makes me start to wonder just how conflicted you are. (This also explains why no one gives a second thought to a woman wearing a jersey.)
Just the other day someone on Nextdoor with backyard chickens was offering a dozen eggs for $5. Seemed innocuous enough. Check back the next day, and it all went south when the first person to comment was the militant vegan informing us that hens in the wild (there are wild chickens?) lay about five eggs a year, and that they have been genetically modified to lay eggs daily. How would you like to have a menstrual cycle every day, she asked. She went on to suggest that the backyard farmer invest in some kind of implant that will allow your hens to go back to their natural cycles.
Yeah, 99/100 posts are boring requests for repair quotes. But you get that 1 where the crunchy urban agriculturalist gets told off by the even more crunchy vegan, and you know why you signed up.
Every time I watch “This Old House” I just get pissed off, because four years in, I have concluded that the SOB who flipped my house took most of the shortcuts Tommy Silva rails against. Oh well, rather than going into trades I went into law, so when we discovered that the new master bathroom hadn’t been hooked up to the main drain line and was just draining directly into the backyard, I at least knew how to write a demand letter that got us a quick and generous settlement offer.
It was a quality season. Usually the show peaks two weeks before hometowns: the episode where you know who everyone is, but there’s still that one crazy who everyone hates who hasn’t been weeded out. But this season packed a lot of entertainment into the last three episodes, which can be total snoozers.
As for that one crazy who everyone hates, there have been better crazies than Olivia, but she was still good, especially the moment when Ben announced that he just found out that someone important in his life had died, and she immediately pulled him aside to make sure the girls weren’t talking shit about her toes.
First, I feel like in the last few years they have been using primarily footage of the championship game, or at least they switch over to that footage at the first bridge. The whole point of OSM is to remember the teams that had a magical game.
Second, this particular One Shining Moment video sort of got me laid once, so it is my favorite as well. (Longish and not that interesting story. Basically I was at a wedding the day after Luther Vandross died, I brought it up and mentioned “OSM” while talking with a group of friends, and it proved to be the turning point with the woman I was hitting on, who turned out to be a huge Carolina basketball fan.)
Even if you want to preserve New Years for the Rose Bowl, there is still January 2nd. Put the Liberty Bowl back on New Years Eve where it belongs, and play the playoff games on Saturday.
They pay so much for those advertisements because they know everyone will be talking about them at work the next day. If people had 24 hours to recover from a hangover and forget the advertisements, the networks wouldn’t be able to charge nearly as much for 30 seconds of air time. So no matter how much people talk about this idea (or making the Monday after a national holiday), it will never happen.
Having lived and worked in the Colorado mountains, let me tell you how this works.
There is a line, at least ten guys deep. At least five of those ten guys are really good looking, and a better skier / mountain biker / rock climber / fisherman than you. And that’s for her less attractive friend.
Counterpoint: the window between the moment you start making enough money to live on your own and the moment you get married is short but glorious, and you gotta milk that shit for all it’s worth. My wife and I moved in together one week before the wedding, and have never regretted it. Because being married is great. But you know what else is great? Locking the door at the end of a long day, and knowing you don’t have to interact with anyone until tomorrow morning. Watching whatever the hell you want on TV, eating whatever the hell you want for dinner, and then getting the kind of sleep that only comes from having a whole bed to yourself for the night.
As for the “you have to test drive it” theory, if you have to ask if your relationship is strong enough to survive living together, you aren’t ready to get married.
Along the same lines, bring a six-pack of stout to Thanksgiving this year and crack them open when the pumpkin pie comes out. Best flavor pairing I have ever known.
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If you think you are a bad host now, wait until you have a kid. It goes from not giving a shit to actively having to restrain yourself from strangling your clueless house guest who has no idea what it’s like to have your entire schedule dictated by an emotionally fragile slob with next to no survival instincts.
It was the same way at my K-12 prep school. And to this day, if I see a woman in a skirt with a field hockey stick, it’s puberty all over.
I would be willing to bet that Chad has a lot of ex friends out there who finally had it after one too many nights where they had to drag him out of a bar after he got drunk and decided to insult or threaten everyone in sight. And much like Evan, they have been totally annoyed in the past two months at the number of people who have declared that Chad is actually an awesome and hilarious hero. Because it’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with his drunk alter ego.
The first few seasons of the Real World were considered groundbreaking, partially for featuring gay and HIV-positive characters. I think the general consensus is that Hawaii (1999) was when they just said “fuck it, let’s throw a bunch of hot people into a house and watch them rub up on eachother.” (Not saying I wasn’t down to watch myself.) That is where I would start looking for the shift from the self-important MTV of my childhood to the network that made Farrah Abraham and The Situation famous.
“Why waste your time with bits of bone and chicken fat when you can keep your hands clean?”
Um, because the bones, skin, and fat are where all of the flavor are? You ever wonder by boneless skinless chicken breasts taste like nothing and dry out in about five seconds? No skin + no bone = a hunk of dry flavorless protein that might as well be tofu.
I’m actually starting to feel bad for the guys this season. It’s one thing to be forced to sit there in the everyone on the couch group interview setting while the producers throw them questions that are calculated to piss Chad off. Now they drive Chad back to the house after the 2 on 1 and tell him to go in there and get them 15 more minutes of footage for the scary Chad reel. This would be absolutely exhausting. I don’t care how many times I got to slowly lower JoJo’s ass into a hot tub, I’d be questioning if it were worth it.
There are a couple things that are wrong with having “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” on this list. First is the fact that it apparently goes on for five minutes. It’s just one of those songs that you put on as a joke on the jukebox, and regret playing after about two minutes. Nobody wants to listen to you and your bros scream along to that song for five minutes, no matter how hilarious it was when you did it back in college. Second, you can’t really dance to it, unless you do the middle school dance slow song swaying thing. If I’m a single person at your wedding, I want to be busting out some moves in hopes of catching the eye of a bridesmaid. This is going to kill my mojo really quickly.
I cannot tell you how annoyed I would be with any wedding DJ who played “With or Without You” at a reception. What is this, a wedding reception or someone sitting in their room alone moping over an unrequited sixth grade crush? Ain’t nobody want to dance to that.
If we learned anything from Nick Viall’s performance on Andi’s season, it’s that the “I’m the honest one who will openly question the process” line can get you pretty far. I can see Chad sticking around for a while, unless the Marine murders him.
I have an exception to this rule that I think really brings the issue into focus. I know a number of older gay men who proudly wore Eric Decker jerseys when he was playing for the Broncos. And I was fine with that. Because when you are an adult wearing a jersey with a name on it, it reeks of a crush. If you can own the crush, you can wear the jersey. If, however, you are the kind of guy who constantly feels the need to remind everyone that you are “totally not homo,” that jersey really makes me start to wonder just how conflicted you are. (This also explains why no one gives a second thought to a woman wearing a jersey.)
Just the other day someone on Nextdoor with backyard chickens was offering a dozen eggs for $5. Seemed innocuous enough. Check back the next day, and it all went south when the first person to comment was the militant vegan informing us that hens in the wild (there are wild chickens?) lay about five eggs a year, and that they have been genetically modified to lay eggs daily. How would you like to have a menstrual cycle every day, she asked. She went on to suggest that the backyard farmer invest in some kind of implant that will allow your hens to go back to their natural cycles.
Yeah, 99/100 posts are boring requests for repair quotes. But you get that 1 where the crunchy urban agriculturalist gets told off by the even more crunchy vegan, and you know why you signed up.
Every time I watch “This Old House” I just get pissed off, because four years in, I have concluded that the SOB who flipped my house took most of the shortcuts Tommy Silva rails against. Oh well, rather than going into trades I went into law, so when we discovered that the new master bathroom hadn’t been hooked up to the main drain line and was just draining directly into the backyard, I at least knew how to write a demand letter that got us a quick and generous settlement offer.
It was a quality season. Usually the show peaks two weeks before hometowns: the episode where you know who everyone is, but there’s still that one crazy who everyone hates who hasn’t been weeded out. But this season packed a lot of entertainment into the last three episodes, which can be total snoozers.
As for that one crazy who everyone hates, there have been better crazies than Olivia, but she was still good, especially the moment when Ben announced that he just found out that someone important in his life had died, and she immediately pulled him aside to make sure the girls weren’t talking shit about her toes.
Two comments.
First, I feel like in the last few years they have been using primarily footage of the championship game, or at least they switch over to that footage at the first bridge. The whole point of OSM is to remember the teams that had a magical game.
Second, this particular One Shining Moment video sort of got me laid once, so it is my favorite as well. (Longish and not that interesting story. Basically I was at a wedding the day after Luther Vandross died, I brought it up and mentioned “OSM” while talking with a group of friends, and it proved to be the turning point with the woman I was hitting on, who turned out to be a huge Carolina basketball fan.)
Even if you want to preserve New Years for the Rose Bowl, there is still January 2nd. Put the Liberty Bowl back on New Years Eve where it belongs, and play the playoff games on Saturday.
They pay so much for those advertisements because they know everyone will be talking about them at work the next day. If people had 24 hours to recover from a hangover and forget the advertisements, the networks wouldn’t be able to charge nearly as much for 30 seconds of air time. So no matter how much people talk about this idea (or making the Monday after a national holiday), it will never happen.
Having lived and worked in the Colorado mountains, let me tell you how this works.
There is a line, at least ten guys deep. At least five of those ten guys are really good looking, and a better skier / mountain biker / rock climber / fisherman than you. And that’s for her less attractive friend.
Counterpoint: the window between the moment you start making enough money to live on your own and the moment you get married is short but glorious, and you gotta milk that shit for all it’s worth. My wife and I moved in together one week before the wedding, and have never regretted it. Because being married is great. But you know what else is great? Locking the door at the end of a long day, and knowing you don’t have to interact with anyone until tomorrow morning. Watching whatever the hell you want on TV, eating whatever the hell you want for dinner, and then getting the kind of sleep that only comes from having a whole bed to yourself for the night.
As for the “you have to test drive it” theory, if you have to ask if your relationship is strong enough to survive living together, you aren’t ready to get married.
Along the same lines, bring a six-pack of stout to Thanksgiving this year and crack them open when the pumpkin pie comes out. Best flavor pairing I have ever known.
Yeah, the next boomer who tells me that I need to save enough to survive a year of unplanned unemployment gets my foot up their ass.