Accidentally pressed Speak instead of Paste in Bumble during a conference call. Everyone heard my cheesy pickup line. Now it’s how all my coworkers begin conversations with me.

Every time I hear the receptionist say “one moment, I’ll transfer you” I have a panic attack that my phone might be the one that’s about to ring.

Drank too much Friday night. Still hungover Monday morning.

New guy who sits directly behind me sighs extremely loud and extremely often. PGP.

I’m not entirely sure I want to watch you Nay Nay.

Today I remembered why I stopped participating in Sunday fun day.

Stayed in on a Saturday night to watch hgtv with my girlfriend #pgp

Keeping a Facebook account exclusively for making myself feel a little better by looking at how my high school classmates turned out. PGP.

I’ve become my father. PGP

I can’t get a job, because I don’t have experience, because I can’t get a job. PGP.