Extra innings on a weeknight. PGP.

38 minutes late to work today because I jacked off in the shower this morning. I didn’t even finish. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

My career arc is disturbingly similar to Matt Leinart’s. PGP.

The only matches I get on Tinder these days are hooker spam bots. PGP.

Feeling guilty every time Wikipedia prompts you to donate, knowing that without it you wouldn’t have a degree or job. PGP.

My boss wanted to see an Excel video on YouTube, and I instinctively typed YouJizz. PGP.

Spent all night debating what type of fat guy I am after reading the PGP column. PGP.

I’ve forecasted the potato salad kickstarter campaign to raise more money in this month than I what I’m going to earn over the next two years. PGP.

FICA tax is making me resent my grandma. PGP.